I've been on the phone to doctors and nurses all day. And my aunts over and over again. They even put the telephone to my mothers ear where she is in critical condition in Florida in hopes that my voice might get into her mind.
The only physical response she is showing is through pain stimulation on her left arm. Nothing else at all. The neurologist is telling me it does not look good. Her doctor told me there was a stroke, followed by a heart attack, and then after laying there alone for 18 hours massive cerebral bleeding from the stroke.
My aunts are all freaking out, and it's freaking me out. I have no choice but to go down to Florida and confront this head on and make my decision. The hospital told me that this is up to me. I asked them to keep her alive for a few days to see if there was any improvement at all. They said it was procedure and would not do anything without my permission. This is not something I look forward to. Nor the thought of having to tend to her personal belongings and property. She's too young and I'm too young. And she's a survivor, and somehow has always managed to pull her head above the water.
The last 2 years my mother and I were closer than ever. I remember the thrill a year ago driving through north central Texas and calling her saying I was in her state. And sending her postcards that amused her silly on my cross country trip. We were talking every Sunday, and her own health never came up. She asked me about mine and I explained my problems, and she assured me she was healthy and fine and just gained a little weight. She was quite into vanity being a former model and later on a beautician.
But the years prior were full of drama and turmoil. And had more up and downs than most mother - son relationships. But I always forgave and took her back into my life, becasue inside the real woman was a caring and loving and giving person.
I was closer to her sister who passed away several years ago, and even closer to her other sister in Ohio, and then another sister in Ohio and finally my aunt in Florida who had to be the bearer of bad news.
But this hurts nonetheless. And it's not any easier being that we've had an entire country separating us. There was always the phone and there was always the US Mail.
I'm not giving up home till the final ballot is cast. That's how I'm dealing this. They haven't said the point of no return and till then it's what I'm hanging on to.
Posted by Alex Zander at October 6, 2004 04:36 PM