November 21, 2004
now i'm NOTHING
With a Cathy and Jennifer before Transit
A man can learn a lot in an evening and if not a summer. I am constantly reminded from time to time despite the circumstances why it is impossible to trust women.The more beautiful, the more dangerous. If not by the actions I behold as an observer slash entertainer, I am forced to see it in the fact that the woman I once loved more than life itself, expose the fact that she has evolved into a total blatant fucking whore that if I would have known she were capable of such acts, I would have avoided her like the plague she is met, or carries for that fact, when we were introduced. If one disease isn't enough, maybe the terminal disease will be the result.
Friday night Skinny Puppy were wonderful, and Ogre provided my date and I with aftershow passes. We played the game of the promoters and then went back and were in and out of the backstage in a matter of minutes. For me it was more that I wanted and desired more time with her than the band. Hence NEO.
with Aaron and Gwen
They made my drinks stiffer than ever and the result was yesterday which sucked ass. And I found myself more confused than ever before. EVER. Seeking the advice and wisdom of my closest bros and my lil brother, I had to carry on because of the vow I had made to a number of people to entertain them at the expense of Transit and my main man Aaron. The entire purpose of the celebrating had eclipsed. But being a man of my word I strode forward and went on with business.
VIP's
We arrived at the US Beer Company early, Karlton, Natalie and I. The venue was full of ballcaps and Trixies. I exchanged hugs and kisses with Gwen, vocalist of Grigori 3 and we opted for Ranalli's till the showtime of 1120 PM. At Ranalli's I was greeted with open arms as always, free beer and pizza. Paul and Marcos and Mondo joined us, and we chilled for a few, looked at the pretty girls and I lamented over the order of the Beer Mafia photos arrangement over my head, a reminder of what was, will and can never be, and what I am unable to recall.
We arrived at US Beer by 1115 and the death metal act that was playing prior to G3 was still performing their horrendous set. I rapped with Jamie from Acumen who had just arrived from Seattle after their tour w/ KMFDM and Ray Ray of Chacopa formerly of Swidden, and ran into the pint sized beauty Jennifer who I had met and partied with a few weeks earlier after the BILE show and I invited her and her friend to the after party VIP event I was originally hosting for my dearly departed at Transit.
G3 final went on and Gwen was amazing as was the band considering the less than satisfactory acoustics of US Beer and it's fly paper floor.
Paul and I split for Transit pre mid set and were stunned by the massive line of about 200 people trying to get in which was 80% pretty Japanese females. Grego would have shot in his pants. They were tiny, they were cute and they were speaking a language completely removed from my comprehension. As we made our way to the door where we were told not to wait in line, just to say my name, a huge brawl occurred on the street and a couple dozen of who they feel are Chicago's finest arrived on the scene and blocked the street. Oddly these happenings never really happen at the shows or places we frequent, but where the mainstream converge is more than just typical. About 20 minutes later we were escorted in, Aaron found us and took us to our VIP area and began to plow us with SHAM PAIN. (ya) It was myself, Paul, Natalie, Karlton, Vera, Marcos, Mondo and we were joined later by the band Grigori 3, 1/2 of MARAZENE (Nikk and Dietrich) Mike Girek, and some others who found there way to us. Not to mention the fine ladies of Transit and my wonderful waitress Karen, who is super sweet and cuddly. Aaron dropped by often and checked on us and would bring another bottle of SHAM PAIN. Lots of Champagne. Lots of photos were taken and many posed for by patrons who wanted to be part of my entourage. Karen gave us some freebies and me more than a few kisses. I really think all wait staff should be like her. At least for me it is good. Our pint sized hot thang Jennifer and her friend came in but was unable to locate us so they seemed to have exited and we found her later in the AM. (for some bizarre reason I cannot get the scent of her hair out of my nostril cavity)
As much fun as I endured I could not forget the thing that had been bugging me all day. I would occasionally share my dilemma with my buds, but tried as much as possible to keep myself busy by playing the role of ringleader. I fought my feelings and continued to indulge in my circus apocalypse. This had turned into my night as opposed to a celebration of infatuation, and it was going as good as it could get.
w/ the boyz
We kicked it at Transit for as long as they allowed and at last call shot off to the Exit where I found Girek and our lovely Jenn and then we all drove to my place where as we entered the apartment daylight had alraeady found us and we sat, laughed played music, mindgames and were astonished to see someone with another person who wasn't supposed to be with that person.
the entertainment
Infidelity. Hence, my opening stament. Why am I not surprised. I guess I'm numb, jaded and continuously disgusted with the continuing reminder of why we as men are cursed to be so obsessed with the fairer sex. Not weaker because she has the power, oh, yes, and we alpha males wage wars for her hand, like mindless fools. Rewind to Ahab Rex's rules. See my myspace.com profile.
It was getting to be 9AM and I was extremely exhausted being that I had been up and mentally abusing myself since 730 AM, I walked my guests to the door, confirmed our plans for Ministry and my replacement option for a companion for this particular evening. *sigh* I guess if I can't have what I want I should at least have the most attractive supplement available. (she probably has a bf too if not a few, don't they all)
So that was my weekend. Puppy, aftershow, late night Neo blackout, a day of regret, a night of rock n roll and star treatment and a day of reckoning. It's no wonder I can't get decent sleep.
Paul is on his way over for tunes. One band will be missing from the playlist that I had hoped to be the man responsible for debuting. But as in life itself, all good things must come to an end. And today is just the beginning.
All of my gratitude to Sue Ranalli, Gwen and G3, Aaron, Bob, Karen and the wonderful staff of Transit, my boys from Marazene, and my love to my lil brother for attempting to consul me and for almost making me laugh. Oh and Jay Dawg in Indiana, you're not just another metal head Hoosier baby. You'll be with me in spirit at Ministry my brother! Kevin for trying and dealing with his own BS and still bending and ear for a bro.
And you, are in my heart. And you know who you are.
Lawrence, Lawrence of Arabia! He was an English man. He came to fight the Turkish!
- Alex Fucking Zander
