AZ's Diary of a Damned Man

On the bus I couldn't believe what I beheld. There was a single mother with her six kids all under the age of I would say 8. And the youngest baby is in a stroller ands they are literally force feeding her CHEETOS. I about died. I can't believe I didn't lose it and crack up in a raging for of maniacal laughter. I don't even think the little girl was old enough to consume solid food. But she was sucking away on a Cheeto like it was a pacifier. Then the child drops it on the filthy floor and the oldest son picks it up off the filth and puts it back in the babies mouth. I was horrified.

What had been the perfect evening was about to become UGLY!

First of all this was not my crowd. They fit into my world about as much as I fit into theirs. So it was not a good match and I had a bad feeling upon entering this place. Kelly got carded of course and when I'm w/ her I get carded as well. Feels good. And the door guy was nice enough but the same can't be said for the patrons. Guys had been eyeballing Kelly all day and I was flattered. It's like, "Look all you want buddy, but she's on my arm pal". But I draw the line when someone sooo disrespects my date and I that they feel the nee to touch. And these assholes were that type. And I've never EVER had to deal with a situation like this. We walked to the back looking for her hot lil friend and back out towards the door. As we got near the exit this fuckhead comes up to Kelly as she's holding my hand, grabs her and says Baby you're hot. She shoves him off and I say EXCUSE ME. And he says FUCK YOU.

Well my first instinct was to clock his jaw even though he could have easily beat me down. But I used good judgment and walked away for several reasons #1 I would have been thumped by about 20 Frat Brats. And then I would have been out in the street and the Cops would have taken me to jail, and that wasn't happening. I was steaming though and walked out of that place not believing what had occurred. Kelly had tears in her eyes, her friend finds us in the street and all I wanted to do was get as far away from there as possible.

So we walked all the way down Fullerton to Dominick's where Kelly picked out a supersized bottle of Capt Morgan and we went to her place where the party really began.

When We awoke I was still in a shitty mood about what occurred the evening before. I really had never had to deal with an idiot like that. Kelly can't help how she looks but at least her reaction was more than I could ask for. I've been in similar situations where the "girl" gets off on the attention. So like a runaway bride she ran off to work and I sat there playing with her kitty and was pulling myself together to go home. Minutes later she walks back in, tells me she was told to come in late and we were off walking around Boystown looking for a place to eat. And this wasn't easy cause Kelly was having one of her cravings for Bloody Mary's again. So the Cub fans were getting wound up for a noon game and we find ourselves at The Twisted Spoke. Now this reeks of significance because almost one year to the date was the last time I ate at a Twisted Spoke. And the experience was horrific. And it wasn't due to poor service or poor food quality but it was the start of a day that would forever change my life for the worse. But this time is different and this chick can throw back the booze without metamorphosing into a raving lunatic. And that for me is a true pleasure.

So we pigged out and I saw that they had Makers on tap and also a bottle of Makers Black Label which I'd never and still haven't had. Not that I won't soon enough. So all was right with the world till we got in a cab and the asshole played the game where he pretended not to understand English. And was making wrong turns onto one way streets, in Cubs traffic in Wrigleyville thus running up the fare.. Well Kelly wasn't putting up with it and she let him have it. I can't believe me the "taxi cab terrorist" didn't come out. But I was saving it for a another day in the not too distant future.

So I was off for home and she was off for work for a second time this very same day and I spent the whole day B O R E D! And it ws going to turn sour fast.

At 630 I met her at the train station and we walked up to her place finished the Twisted Spoke leftovers and polished off the rest of the Rum. M I S T A K E! it hit me HARD and we headed off to the Bottom Lounge for the Thanatos reunion show and to see Bella Luna. Well we saw Bella Luna, I saw a lot of old friends and fell off a stool. This was the first time I had been like this in public. It was bad. I was a wreck and Kelly made the right call and got me out of there and into a cab. Thus missing Thanatos.

Well Kelly tells the cabbie to make a right 3 times and he turns left. Well I let him have it worse than any other cab driver in my life. He stops in the middle of the intersection and throws us out as I'm continuing to spew a long line of obscenities. We get to her place and when I finally calmed down was out cold.

Thus it's Memorial Day and I was dead set on making up for last year when I was alone with Greg at Street Side cafe all day and ended up getting thrown out of Heavenly Bodies for "supposedly" laughing at the girls. So the day turned out to be the longest fucking day of my entire life. And she experienced the same. And I had put together an impromptu BBQ. I asked a small number of people to each bring something for the grill and something to drink. And around 6ish I get a text message saying she's 11 minutes away. So like a 15 year old boy in the midst of his first crush I stood out on the sidewalk and caught a glimpse of a hot little blonde in a tight and short skirt riding high on her perfect little legs. And she's carrying bags of food and coming my way. Unable to wait I walked away from the house over to her, took two of the bags and a great evening was about to begin.

By Dawn we had fired up the grill and were cooking brats, burgers and hot dogs and drinking and laughing and all having a wonderful evening which more than made up for 1 year ago at the same time. I made some new friends trough Kelly and a cool mofo I met on myspace and we all laughed about perverted things, someone got a BJ (not me) and I had successfully hosted my first BBQ of the year. And as odd as it my seem this was the first I had used my grill in an entire year.

I also showed off the episode of Family Business I was on a few weeks ago and everyone got a good laugh. And I am flattered everytime I hear Seymore (Adam) say it was his favorite interview of his trip to Chicago.

Then I wake up to an email from my favorite porn star Missy Monroe only to have it topped by the following email I got early this morning.

"Dear Dr. Zander

I have many cavities and I hope that you can fill them all for me with out to many problems. You are the greatest dentist and I'm sure you get many recommendations and referrals from other patients. I also believe that I grind too much, especially at night. Please get back to me so I can make an appointment with you"