AZ's Diary of a Damned Man

KAY DAY Revisited: I don't even know where to begin....

And this is going to take a long time to write I know that. A

This is Wednesday July 20 and it's been 2 days since my brother left after we celebrated Kelly's birthday for 3 days and our long overdue reunion as well. It was just like a short story by HST. And it began on Thursday night, July 14. And today almost a week later my entire body is still sore and it hurts.

Shortly after 10 we began celebrating her birthday with some wine and good food. And by midnight we were ready to make it official. Now I'm not an easy guy to deal with, and when it comes to my demands I know they are even harder to meet. Let me say one thing on the record and chisel it in stone when it comes to my current girlfriend. No stone is left unturned and it's her job to know my seep number and my pleasure to know hers. We celebrated much to late especially considering she had to work in the AM and my brother was flying in and I had to meet him at the airport. And being that you only turn 25 once, we pushed it. But it's worth it too much because we tend to celebrate in the XXXact same manner. And that's fine by me.

So morning rolled around and as she got ready I decided to head out too. I went home and did some work for a few hours and then took the Blue Line train to O'Hare. Funny it was the Blue Line because we call my brother Blue. Well his flight was on time. And we had some laughs on the way back to my place and stopped at a Mexican place to have some lunch and then dropped off his bags and went to get some Crown Royal, Red Bull and 7-Up.

On the way I taught him about the littering of Cheetos bags all over Chicago. Everywhere for some reason there is an abundance of empty Cheetos bags al over my neighborhood, but not limited to. For instance, Kelly lives in a really nice and somewhat expensive part of Lakeview just north of Lincoln Park and Wrigleyville, and I can spot a Cheetos bag within minutes of exiting an apartment, a taxi, a car, or the CTA. I told Blue that within a block we'd see a Cheetos bag and when I spotted the first, as promised he laughed and wished he had his camera on him, which he left at my place. By the time we got to Jewel he was laughing his ass off and decided he would "attempt" to document the phenomenon of the Cheetos infestation that has both astounded and annoyed me.

Once in Jewel he wanted Crown royal which was locked behind glass because for some reason it is one of the more shoplifted liquors, so big brother Alex screams HEY HEY HEY over and over while waving into the monitor till the attendant comes off of his "break" and allows us to purchase the nectar. On the way home we made a deal. Whoever spotted the next Cheetos bag, the other had to buy the wine for dinner at NAN's later that night. (NAN's has a BYOB policy.) Needless to say I spotted one almost 1/2 a block away, and continued to spot them all the way home.

We wasted no time of getting right into it and watched music DVD's and some other stuff I've been involved in, including "50 First Fucks", and I just had to show the guy CLOWN PORN. Now keep in mind my brother is 33 years old, and on the Deans List at OSU. They don't have a major in porn, but he now owns at last a certificate. In that as well as Squirting 101. That's right, I taught him about Squirting by showing him a how to video. The same video that has changed my life FOREVER,, and a few other peoples too. Thanks Axel !

Sooner than later the time came for us to hit the bricks and we had planned to meet Kelly at Ranalli's where I had to finalize her party and then get Sushi for her birthday dinner. Friday was officially her birthday but the party was Saturday and we wanted something a little more intimate where we could be quiet and she could at least get to know my brother a little bit. Well, BH called and he was at the Cubs game and we decided to all meet at Ranalli's. he and my brother had met 7 years ago when he flew here for the Expo Of the Extreme. And 7 years is a long time and people change a lot. And that includes your writer. Ironically BH being one of my very best friends still hadn't met Kelly yet, and she was running late and he had to go. They missed by minutes.

My brother had joined the Beer Mafia with the name "Robo Wop", I'm "Don Diablo" and Kelly is naturally "Machine Gun Kelly" though it is more fitting for her to be "Squirt Gun Kelly". And our pictures are all on the wall, and her brother is there too, we're all in a line up. How fitting. And on his very first or maybe it was his second yard, his watch or so he said it was his watch tapped the top of the yard of beer and it fell onto the floor thus smashing. Now, as history will one day reveal, in the 5 plus years I've been drinking at Ranalli's I've never once broken a yard or anything else. And I never will. And that just happened to be when Kelly walked in.

So we drank there maybe a little too long and walked up Lincoln to Nan's where after buying 2 bottles of wine had the chef create us a one of a kind Sushi Plate that ended up being in the neighborhood of $85 ! HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELLY !! And then came the BIG MISTAKE we went to NEO and she had to work the next morning. So what happens after a long night of playing and drinking with little if no sleep, a long day of work for her, 2 brothers who have only seen each other twice in 7 years deciding to drink all day, we then convene and drink more? We became separated. And the next 2 hours were spent trying to find each other in a city of 8 million people. I found Kelly at home, I walked home and found my brother asleep on the back porch swing. (Something that was about to become a habit for the boy.)

The next morning I was confused and stubborn and started drinking too early. I sat in my underwear watching DEVO videos with Blue and ha some hair of the dog. It must have been a pathetic sight, but I didn't care. We were having fun, and reuniting. Kelly kept calling on the phone but I was not in the mood to talk quite yet. I still was confused as a redneck in the ghetto taking a cab to a gay bar as to what the hell exactly caused us to become separated the night before. I guess it was late, there was too much going on and we all went out at different times and somehow lost each other. Not uncommon when leaving NEO.

So I broke down, attempted to converse and realized that I had about 9 hours to go till her party started at 930 PM and I would meet her parents for the first time. All I could think of is "I'm 15 years older than her, and someone is going to freak." And besides we had more Cheetos to hunt down.

There was no more damage to do at home thus Blue and I decided to get out and start my shopping for Kelly's presents and I got a slow start and decided to "pop in" to her apartment and surprise her. Then we all went and got coffee and my dumbass had a 4 shot cup of espresso and followed it with a 6 shot cup of espresso. 10 SHOTS OF ESPRESSO ! AM I NUTS? And you can bet your ass I was feeling them too, rather quickly. And then we were off through Boystown. I figured my brother would get a kick out of it, and stores like Gaymart etc. But we didn't get far, I decided to stop by and see my friend Suzan at a martini bar and this is where I had the best martini and absolutely best summer drink of my life. A cucumber martini, and then the owner sent us over 2 shots of sambuca before joining us for conversation. I felt like we were there for hours. But it was long enough cause as time flies when you're having fun, it was flying right out the window.

We walked to Ranalli's and got there only minutes before Kelly, Greg and their parents walked in the door. And it was time to meet the parents. We exchanged pleasantries and I met Greg's friend Brandon and it seemed people just kept walking in, and the place was filling up. For a minute or longer it seemed her party was going to out do mine. Which had a total of around 75 folks.

Kelly told me the first thing her mother asked was my age. When my sweet lil girl told them I am 40, the reply was, smiting like, 'I won't worry about it because you'll be over (or done) with him in about a month." Well that's all I had to hear, it was beer time. And as Kelly and I had just celebrated 2 months of being "together" earlier that week, I told her brother to let their mother know, "it's going to be a LONG month."

To be continued....

So my brother and I began filling our bellies with an assortment of food and beer and Grego showed up and I got to finally introduce him to Kelly's brother Greg. Grego was impressed and they had some laughs. Sherrie looked great when she arrived in a very classic white dress, and then my friend Brian came in and I introduced him around or at least tried. Our new friends Jennifer and her hilarious boyfriend Vincent arrived and seemed to take the who shebang pretty well. James came in and after I slapped his ass he sat with Kelly's folks who I still hadn't really conversed with yet. I mean the people just kept coming in by the shitload. Joel my injun brother came late but still came, my neighbors Mike (the Leg) and (Dirty) Diana dropped in just to say Happy Birthday. (Mike stopped drinking) and as tings got louder and crazier I finally gather my balls and sat down to talk with Kelly's parents as the circus around us continued.

When the parents finally split and Greg and I walked them out we began the gift bag giveaways. Now this was something that COULD NOT have been don in front of her rather straight laced family. The bags were full of fun stuff from Uncle Fun and of course music, porn and lots of lube. My brother left to meet someone at another bar which turned out to be a BIG mistake on his part. When Sherrie went back to get the cake I kept our chickie busy out in the hall. When we came in Sherrie and her huge tits hit the wall and the cake fell down only to be saved from hitting the floor by her huge rack and the wall. So we relit the candles and all sang Happy Birthday and continued the festivities now for Special K and I was already on Day 3. At some point in the early hours of the AM I took Greg's head by the hair and slammed his face into the cake and then he threw cake all over me and I slammed his face into the cake again. For a little while he disappeared stumbling around Clark Street drunk and covered in frosting.

It remained loud crazy right up till 2 AM when Kelly, Greg Brandon and I all cabbed to Kelly's where we would lay down to sleep and even make a bed for my brother who had her address and phone # but not the ability to look in his pocket and use it. Turns out he got lost after leaving the other Bar, fell asleep on my porch swing, again, and didn't know what to do upon waking. The boys passed out and I think we were up till 5 AM or around that time cause the sun was coming up right before I was able to fall asleep.

And waking was when the party would continue. I think we were all up around 930 / 10 AM and Holiday Club would open at 11 AM and that was the plan Stan. The laughter began when I threw someting at Cake Boy Greg and he rose up and yelled " WHAT'S YOUR SLEEP NUMBER N*%$#@?" and that's when teh fun began. And that was someting that woudl go all day long and last many changes.

Finally it ws 11 and we were inside Holiday Club where one of our favoutre bartendes Crystal was working, and I suspect, expecting us. And we order 1 pitcher of Bloody marys and 1 pitcher of Mimosa other concotions and some food. Of course I had wings but didn't eat any.

Kelly's phone rang and it was Sherrie, and there was still no sign of my brother. I figured he got lucky. And then Kelly said it, "Sherrie fucked your brother last night." I about shit and then she said no it was Brian though. Now how did THAT happen I don't know, especially since Sherrie is so shy and reserved. Finally they arrived and I hugged Sherrie and her dress snapped over the shoulder, and I have no idea HOW one of her massive boobies didn't fall right onto the table. And I can't believe Brian didn't F those T's!!!!!

it was getting rowdy and very loud when my brother who must have been looking for Kelly's place walked past the window and Kelly ran outside to bring him in. He had slept all night on my back porch swing again, didn't score and was lost in Chicago for a third time now. the first being back in 1999. And his flight was set to leave in a few hours, his bag was inside at my place, and he was hungry wanted to eat and had some drinks. When all was done we packed Greg and Brandon of for the NW burbs and headed out into the heat with my brother along for the ride.

Now it was HOT out. DAMN hot and we got the bus to my place, he left for the airport, and somebody dumped a bucket of water on my bed! And even with the AC and the warm water that was soaking through my mattress it was too fuckign HOT to be at my place so we went back to Kelly's thinking it was over and everything was fine. And we had another bottle of something alcoholic in tow. YUP it was still her birthday, and she was off teh next day, which pretty much meant I was going to be off as well. And from out o teh maddness somebody dumped a bucket of water on her sofa and her bed.

Around 9 the phone rang and it was from the Days Inn. It was Blue, he missed his flight and came back to the Hot Haus where I wasn't so he went to the Mexican place I turned him onto the day he arrived and he checked into a Days Inn not realizing he STILL HAD Kelly's address and phone number. But it was better this way, the sofa was not to be slept on by a guest on the Lords Day of all days. The Holyist of Holy's!

We were up late and I slept till 11 which is rare and it was nice. My brother arrived at about noon and we sat watching TV and then went to El Mariachi for lunch and margaritas, and it was HOT and I was sore, all over. my triceps, my inner thighs my shoulder which still hurts (it's Thursday) and my voice from all of the laughing,. And I wasn't abut to go home to the oven so we stayed in, and rested up for another week in the life.

So Kelly's birthday was a hella-binge unlike any other since my birthday. I suspect she's very happy, and had a lot of fun. Me, it wasn't my birthday but I am extremely happy that I was able to arrange for such a valiant affair. It as great to see my brother, make new friends and to kick off the best month of my life. Yup, if her mother says its only going to be a month, well then it's going to be a dandy.

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO MADE IT SO FUCKING INTENSE AND FUN. WE LOVE YOUZ!

Now I'll share some emails from the days after Kelly's birthday weekend.

FROM BLUE:

...I'll send you the pictures probably Sunday.
I can't wait to come back...I didn't want to leave, I was just learning to relax again.
See you soon!

Tell Kelly Hi

MOVE!...Bump Back!

...and, to tell you the truth...I am a bit interested in this "squirting thing". I'm going to explore some g-spot stimulation techniques online. I'd be interested in seeing the reaction of an unsuspecting girl.
heh

FROM BRIAN:

Hey, what's your sleep number mother fucker!

Holy shit that was funny. I can't stop laughing.

Had a great time at the party. Thanks for having me there. For the record, I slept until 9:00 on Sunday night, and then met my buddy at a bar.

FROM JENNIFER:

AZ! It was great to finally meet you and Kelly. You guys rock!

FROM VINCENT: