AZ's Diary of a Damned Man

As I said, it's even closer to home when actually faced with the decision so I feel I have a right to voice my opinion on the matter.

South Park creators proved again with last nights episode how timely they can be at addressing such a media over blown story in a timely matter. I'm sincerely impressed.

However, the media seems to be getting it's jollies by oversaturating us with the story in their typical fashion.

As for Paul, he's off to Hollywood. We spent 2 days loading his U Haul and getting him ready. It was hard saying goodbye to a guy who has proven himself to be one of my most decent and considerate friends. For some reason the guy was always there for me over the humps I've gone up and down the past few years. And even in his own dilemma he found a few minutes to lend a helping hand to a brother in need. I know he'll be doing big things and all of us here are anxiously awaiting the day when we can say, "I know that guy!". Or as Spicoli says, "I know that dude!".

Mike J and mo were to meet us again but by the time they both showed up which was a half hour after I had told them to arrive to insure that they got in, the line was cut. It was ridiculously long when we had arrived. and after they were dismissed we were slowly led into the registration area and after signing in were taken into reception area where the event kicked off with cocktails and hors d'oeuvres.

We were told we would be in group 9 and it looked as though we had about an hour wait. So we had a few laughs at the expense of the Grateful Dead and some Geeks and were led into a little room where we were given massages and shoeshines. After a little of that relaxation we were taken upstairs to the David Bowie suite and sipped the Johnnie Walker Blue label which sells for $200 per bottle retail or $50 per glass at clubs. It was a nice time so then we jumped into a cab and went to Ranallis on the way home. Afra is a good time and it was great getting to share a night like that with a friend as cool as he is.

Today the server was down for awhile and it was good because I was able to not focus on getting updates in order and instead help Paul load his moving van for his relocation to Hollyweird. And it's nice that my long string of events has come to and end. I'm beat.

In a few months I'll be invited to another Johnnie Walker Journey Of taste and I'm looking forward to the event with slight anticipation.

Funny yesterday being Easter we managed to seriously offend some people on myspace with the Easter image. Why anyone uptight would even add themselves as a friend of mine on myspace if they have no sense of humor.

I'm tired and physically exhausted and I still have an event to attend with Afra, Moe and Mike J tonight at the Hard Rock Hotel.

Yet it never fails, year after year when May comes around and the April showers have already begun to bring it's soggy annual downpour into June. I dream of two things, riding my bike and that I want to go camping dammit!

Yet I could be in the predicament that I was in a year ago. Trying to hold together a relationship that was already doomed and would eventually dump more havoc and instability on my life than any calendar year of my existance. Sure, facing the facts and recognizing the signs sure would have prepared me for the awful truth and impending shitstorm. But at the same time, some of us, never learn. Well I think I did this time. I think I did for once. And perhaps that is the biggest reason I am so leery of allowing myself to enter any other kind of intimate and trusting relationship.

Yet in retrospect 2004 as poor as it was for me personally when it came to relationships was also a triumphant year in terms of advances in business relationships.

And that was indeed a silent storm of it's own.

I made a friend in filmmaker Rusty Nails which lead me to Romero, and Lloyd Kaufman on a much more intimate level than a fan or member of the press. And from there I played around at the Movieside festival, the Tromathon, and later that year at the Flashback Weekend with the Dawn of the Dead reunion and getting back together with Bryan and the Chicago Underground Film Festival, which led to a rather interesting and trying evening with anti-hero Jim Van Bebber.

In the fall the MK team (myself, jSIN and Karlton) swept through Glamour Con where many more contacts were established as we had the thumbs up of one Michael Illynski aka Steve Svetty, Staci Burke, Taylor Wane and many others, sans Shannon Tweed.

And even though I had to deal with the passing of my birth mother which slowed down my attempt to move away from the conditions which I had been inhabiting through the summer months, I managed to get 2 of my friends bands signed to international record deals, did more than a lot involving favorite band/friends Ministry including a mega successful record release party, 3 concerts an after show birthday party for Al, and getting Rick Neilson of Cheap Trick onstage with them in Milwaukee. All while living in squalor to the amusement of a few and the disgust of many. Not to mention the embarassment of myself.

I also saw and reunited with Skinny Puppy 3 times last year. 3 Ministry and 3 Skinny Puppy shows in 1 year is quite an enhancement in enjoyment, when dealing with personal wounds and woes.

Gauge swept into town right after my mother passed and it helped to cheer me up. She stayed for a week we had loads of fun with her, and when Seymore Butts came to town and included me in the filming of their hit Showtime reality show (FAMILY BUSINESS) I had the honor of introducing Gauge and Adam Glasser. This also established a relationship with what PLAYBOY Magazine has called Chicago's coolest club, Transit.

And then there was turning 40. I do not wish to relive that weekend again ever. Because it took a toll on my health, but I saw who my friends were, and who they really are and that meant a lot to me for a guy who feels as though he's wasted the last 20 years of his life on people and personalizes he'd rather forget and learn to regret. My birthday party(s)in 2004 have never been matched for me ever and I really appreciate anyone involved. And it all led up to the best New Years Eve of my life.

So, in retrospect the storm of 2004 was a violent and unforgiving one but one I am happy to have lived through. Even though it had it's up and downs it certainly beats another existence which is far less, mentally stimulating. I rejuvenated a few old friendships and dissected and displaced many more. And if anything I know who I can trust and who I will never trust as I go into my next 40! And I'll spend that repairing the first 40. And I don't mean 40 oz.

And when all is said and done, and as the dusk settles, one crystal clear fact shall remain. If I had remained in that ill-fated relationship I could not have possibly experienced what laid beyond that rainy and cold, and doomed Spring of 2004. Something that far eclipsed the drama we in the know refer to as Zuzu Petals. In retrospect the Zuzu thing was a walk in the park compared to mental destruction I enountered with in the past year.

Here's to 2005! When the weather settles we're going to have a helluva BBQ! with a few good friends helped me get to this point. And the rest of you, that cannot appreciate the smiles we managed to achieve should just give up and quit trying to rain your shitstorm on a parade of people who only want to be happy in their world. It's getting pathetic. Get over it. In many ways you already won anyway.

And this weather as it hovers over me much like the black cloud that does same shall not hinder he 1st coming of Fetus Boy aka Creepy aka Jeff Brown of 2005.

I am almost done setting up the big weekend with the Metro stars. In June we're having Kelly Erikson, Ron Jeremy and the Kerkoves (Skeeter and Bridget) in for a weekend. We'll be setting up radio interviews dinner, and a club hitting spree un head of since, well, when the Seymore Butts people were in town. Should be a rocking good time.

And speaking of rocking good times, Greg and I precisely had that Monday at the Motorhead concert at the House Of Blues. And we were both feeling it's effects yesterday. I do have to give a big thanks to everyone at NEO who really capped it off right, though I was regretting it more than appreciating it yesterday. You can see photographic evidence at www.metalmondays.com Dann and teh gang really went the extra mile for the band and fans.

Tonight the busy week continues with the I LOVE RICH Cd release party at Double Door. The album is now on sale worldwide and I'm not just saying this, but it is the best rocking record I've heard in over a year. The title, Year Of The Rich.

Kevin came over in the afternoon and we went over the concept for the box art for my first direct to DVD directorial debut. Details coming very soon kiddies. At 6 we took the train to The House of Blues restaurant where we got a table and Bob was late so we had a couple beers and some a veggie quesadilla. When BH got there he was amped and ready to roll. I gave to him his ticket and photo pass and we were off to the Foundation Room where the fun was really getting ready to begin.

We were upstairs for a little while and then I met Kris from BRAND NEW SIN through my buddy Shaun Glass the guitar hotshot from SOiL. Sue and Rodney showed up and the photoplay began. We hit it off with the band and they were really glad to meet me because I was taking part in their party tonight at NEO. The bad part was that we got in there about 7 and Motorhead wasn't set to go on till 11 so that meant a long time in the Foundation Room and lots of BS all around, and I don't mean Bullshit just bullshitting. We got an opera box and had a good view of the show. The box was just the four of us, Bob, Rodney, Sue and I. And after a killer and loud set by the trio that ended with "Bomber" it was back to the Foundation Room where the party really kicked into gear.

Look for photos in the next 24 hours that will eventually be added to the photo galleries.

I ended up at Exit for some reason and made it home alive again.

Tonight is another show and aftershow at NEO. It's going to be a long night and a very busy and long week. I'm looking forward to Jeff Brown coming up for the weekend. We have lotsa catching up to do. Trying to fit 7 years into 48 hours at a time isn't very easy.

Speaking of film work, Paul Baio who did the Subsonic "Dream American" video just finished the new I LOVE RICH video for "Lets Get It On Tonight". It's fucking awesome, and truly reflects the spirit of the band. I've said for many years I LOVE RICH are my favorite Chicago area band, and have been for going on 8 years. We will debut the bands video at their record release party next Wednesday at Double Door. Look for the owner of the bands record label to make an appearance. Anand Bhatt former porn star and regular AVN Magazine contributor is also involved in my film project. Should be no surprise when its released next month.

Tuesday night was yet another St Patrick's Day party, this time at Ranalli's. After a long day of sitting over 6 hours in an Emergency waiting room, I was due for a stress reliever. I took Angie in who was having some serious chest pains. After several tests, scans and an X-Ray she had a diagnosis. Paul and I met Greg at 9:30 at the bar and we hung out till 11 and Greg in his ultimate wisdom thought we should head out to Heavenly Whores, I mean Heavenly Bodies. Well I should just state that we did not have as great of a time as we did the last time out there.

Thursday March 10, 2005 I arrived at Rosemont at 5 on the dot. BH was waiting for me in his Caddy, and it was a cold one, but that didn't stop the crowd of Crue fans who turned out in large numbers to catch the band that just can't let go of 1989. As for that neither do the fans, and it's a sad lot indeed.

Dan Locke arrived and he had in writing that he was to pick up his photo pass and had a ticket which we were giving to Bob. Well in Motleys fashion, the ticket would not materialize. Luckily I knew a girl who is a ticket broker and BH paid her $30 for a $50 seat and if there was a service charge it would have been a $60 seat. So on one hand it was a bargain, on the other, I do not agree with paying anything toward the Crue, especially now more than ever when I was willing to give the power that be the benefit of the doubt. I should never ever give anything the benefit of the doubt because I get stung every cotton picking time.

No sooner were we in the door we were at the end of one of the many long lines for beer that was only $7.25 per cup. $7.25 for a lukewarm can of suds. That's a fucking 12-pack of the same beer they were pouring. And the fans had already had plenty. Most of their indulgence were most likely induced in their cars en route to the big show. And from the glazed and hazed appearance in the vacant stares in their eyes, there was also a good bit of marijuana intake involved as well. They strutted their stuff as they paraded around the hallways of the arena. High fives were in the air, the men had already joined in with their typical preshow opening act of their own by screaming out MOTLEY FUCKING CRUE MOTHERFUCKERS! And the scratchy whiskey and cigarette hoarse vocals so common among the types of women who fit into this demographic was abundant as well. Their children, all 5 or 6 of them were at home with their respective fathers, or some babysitter who was sneaking her boyfriend in that night. One guy proudly walked his 8 year old son around sporting matching Crue shirts, I told Bob, it was child abuse. If the guys weren't wearing a concert shirt, they had on a Hot Topic shirt, you know the type with flames or skulls gracing the itchy polyester. And if the mall favorites weren't tucked into their their jeans they were untucked over their faded and dirty blue jeans topped off with a dirty pair of sneaks.

The ladies all modeled their own ensemble. I'd have to say that at least 85% of the women who came in packs, all had on blue jeans with black pumps under them and black leather jackets, if they were wearing jackets that is. And they clip-clopped all over the floor without rhythm and in the way that you know when they dance always need to balance themselves with a cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other. Most common beverage of choice among this breed would be a Miller Lite.

And then there were the hairdo's and Tattoos which screamed "WHITE TRASH!" adding ever so pleasantly to the spectacle. Didn't any of these fellers hear the mullet jokes circulating beginning back in the mid-late 90's till present day Americana? But don't dare laugh at it or even look his way, because he'll surely whoop yer faggot ass just for doing so. And whatever you do, avoid at all costs even engaging in any kind of conversation with his ol lady. This rule applies even if she instigates the banter, and she will, whether he's in the pisser or in line for one of those $65 Crue hooded sweatshirts he just has to have. Even if you so much as ask her where the restroom is you'll find yourself being picked up off the floor after he's clocked the bejesus out of you and you'll spend the rest of the evening with an icepack on your face and rubbing alcohol cleaning the scratch marks left from his filthy and untrimmed fingernails.

It' imparitive to note that Bob is in a wheelchair, and that means even after he's been shoved aside by crude and rude fans o the Crue, he still has to get to one of the two places designated for the handicapped. And these are NOT the best seats in the house, but like I said, I was now here and doing this for him. Besides BH can really handle his own. In a chair he endures more punishment of all of my friends with the exception of jSIN. But that doesn't excuse the idiots who cold care less from not being polite and aware of his condition. Even more so what we were about to encounter next when it came to the handicapped seating situation.

We arrived at one of the handicapped wheelchair accessible areas which was over full. One of the guys who pushed a friend up there was arguing with security. I soon discovered the issue apparant, the chairs which were supposed to be one line across, were doubled up. Seems Slipknot who were in town the following night, wanted to see the show so they took over the other handicapped area forcing people who had designated tickets for that area into the area Bob and I were. Slipknow is a massively successful and right now but that doesn't give them the right to put wheelchair bound ticket paying customers out of their seats so they can see the show. In fact, it's one of the rudest things I've ever seen any band do. And the staff at the Allstate Arena should have had the AFA called on them. Maybe they did. I'm sure they'll pay a nominal fine and we'll never hear of it.

I walked back down to pick us up 2 more of the $7.25 beers and while in line became the focus of a very very drunk guy named John Glass who seemed overly impressed by my credentials to the point he had to scream it out to everyone who walked by. Folks, he wanted me to share his name with you all otherwise I wouldn't have even brought it up. He was proud of his condition as he breathed his dragon breath on me and two other guys who just wanted their beer and a show. This guy was one of those who would not shut up, stumbled around got on everyone's nerves and was just annoying. In fact he was fair representation to most of the attendees of the big show. And when I was finally at the front of the line and the first song kicked in and the stampede of running Motley loyalists would knock over anything and anyone in their way in order to get to their seat.

There was no opening act and after a 5 minute cartoon Motley kicked in at 8:30 and on a huge stage of 80's proportions the did attempt to utilize it to their best. But they failed. Vince was huffing, missing lyrics and the only real energy of the show was Nikki Sixx who played the role of rock star the way he always has. For me who is numb to spine chilling performances at this point. (okay, I admit I sometimes do when it comes to a really intense performance, and I've even been guilty of shedding a tear in the last 5 years) I was very unimpressed and even more shitty by the fact of all I had to endure just to take a friend to relive a part of his youth that I chose to skip. The chapter titled Motley Crue really doesn't enter into the AZ biography.

After 45 minutes the band took a 20 minute intermission. That's right they couldn't, for whatever reason and I hope it's not for Mick, needed a rest after not even an hour of playing. A lot of fucking good it did the fans to make a piss stop and a beer run since Allstate stops selling beer at 930. So it was either run to the front of the line or piss. If you tried to piss and then get it line you'd be to far back to get served.

By the time the band took the stage again, I think we waited 4 more songs and left. I was bored and Bob, who is a fan, was unimpressed.

Perhaps the best review would be to post a few lines fro a Chart Attack review (www.chartattack.com) of a recent Canadian based performance of the Motlies. At least the reviewer did not hold prejudice due to being mislead into doing loads of press and free advertising for the organization who pretty much took advantage of our services.

Motley Crue Serve Stellar Plate Of Cheese By Keith Carman

The only way to watch the recent Motley Crue show was to go in with a sense of humour. Anyone expecting flawless musicianship, a tight band or anything less then full-on cheese was to be severely disappointed with Nikki Sixx, Tommy Lee, Vince Neil and now-decrepit Mick Mars. Motley Crue are a band that never got better… just more popular.
Technically, the band were a mess. Other than being winded during "Kickstart My Heart," Neil spent more time coercing the fans into singing than actually taking the vocal duties himself. The plethora of dancing girls, midgets riding motorcycles onto the stage for "Girls, Girls, Girls" and video footage seemed intended more to distract from the inconsistent performances than anything. Sixx spent more time with his hands in the air than actually playing his bass.

And what about Tommy Lee’s obligatory drum solo? It was so far-fetched and uninspired that he shouldn’t have bothered. Swinging back and forth between two electronic drum kits suspended above the stage, the gimmick was great in theory, but Lee was obviously going through the motions.

As was Nikki Sixx during his "solo," a noise-fest combining distorted bass and synthesizers bleating away as a sea of sparks engulfed him. Goofy and pointless, it was obviously his vanity trip and little else.

Overall, thanks to all the ‘80s excess, The Crue did manage to keep things upbeat and thrill us. Shouting along to "Live Wire" was fun and the band’s own excitement at actually keeping it together kept things positive. Now if they could just learn to be as proficient as they are amusing.

And that my dear reader is doing a lot more justice to the band than I could in my own words. - AZ

Have a great and safe weekend.

So I have to wonder and at least hope this show is all that I hear it is. At the very least, I get to go to Culvers afterwards where BH is buying me my very first Butter Burger in exchange for me working tirelessly to get us tickets which I was promised last Fall. Again, more on that tomorrow. At least Bob and I are capable of making a good time out of anything and this looks to be one of them.

I just want to see his face when the reunited Rainbow take the stage later this year.

One thing I know I'm going to witness are the fans of MC, which leaves a lot to be desired. Arena rock shows bring out a particular breed, and are almost in-bred. They come across the state lines from Indiana, the trailer parks and backwash of the rural Midwest with bad tattoos, hair, and faded denim. There's plenty of pleather and leather on people who have no purpose at all sporting it, and I'm sure lots of sunglasses will be mounted on the foreheads and tops of heads of the elite, ultra cool breeders. Over priced t-shirts and beer will be scooped up by the true believers and loyal fans of the Crue who would sooner scoff at you for your prefrence of Nine Inch Nails or Type O than admit they've ever listened to their music. They are simply "fags" to them, and so are we for liking them.

And you can bet they hate KISS as much as band does, because to them, no matter what, Motley was the first to don make up, costumes and do the big production. Hey, didn't the "then" reunited KISS have a circus themed tour back in 99? Nah, must have been a dream. And didn't KISS sell out 2 and 3 nights in a row at the very same venue, and have such grand demand that they returned on the second leg of 2 consecutive tours? Nah, and why would I know, I'm only a journalist of sorts.

For the Crue who have not had a hit in the last 2 decades are back, and back together, again. And so are the fans who haven't seen each other since the last bathtub crank cook off, or at least the last time the Motley's came through here, with or with out Tommy or Vince. And you can bet that BH and I will be there to take inventory, and report it back to you, all of you, not in this "blog" but on the front page of this very site. And BIG DAN will be on hand tonight to take pictures. Let us only hope the boys in the band can refrain from onstage racial slurs this time. There's a time and place for such vulgarities and onstage in front of thousands of people is not.

Shout at The Devil!