AZ's Diary of a Damned Man

In all the night was a success and fun was had by all attendees. And Scott claimed that it was his best turn out in all the years he's played in Chicago. So I want to thanks all of you who attended for your continued support especially considering the less than desirable weather. It was nice to sweet people really getting into this artist.

Not much rock to speak of from over the weekend. It was pretty damn cold so I stayed inside most of the time. Fish and Afra dropped by for some drinks armed with a couple pies from Little Casers. It was so cold it reminded me of how motherfucking cold it is in outer space. But that was a different time ya understand.

Even after the 70's and 80's over the weekend the Ice Cream Man still drives up and down our street. Even at 10 PM I hear his music. What a guy! And what's he to do? He needs every dime he can muster from the kids and the families who wait anxiously for his next pass, and even for that night time snack.

Speaking of late night, I was plagued with bizarre dreams last night. Extremely vivid, nonviolent, though confusing. As well as sexual in nature. And though I woke up still wondering if it were real or not, each dream starred 4 people from my past and one person was in every single dream. In fact they all revolved around her. I suppose it means I may have something to look forward to.

Other than playing catch up from the long weekend, I have tomorrows show at EXIT with Voodoo Organist and then I'm hibernating. The weather is going to suck so I guess that means it's movie time in Zander land.

Saturday I spent relaxing on the porch with Firestorm and we sipped wine into the early morning hours. Then on Sunday morning the banging on the back door came at 9AM to wake me up for what was about to become a long stretch of promotion and more. I had two hours to pull myself together, then Jason and his film crew loaded their gear in and we set up a lot of lights in my bedroom which had become very reminiscent of a porn set, which I could only wish it could have been. But the result was good enough.

We loaded up into Jason's jeep and drove to midway to pick up Ron Marks at the airport and we got footage of him there and then riding into the city via Lake Shore Drive. So far so good. We stopped at a liquor store where we obtained 2 fifths of Old Forrester Whiskey some diet coke and a case of Bud Light. And then after we got back to my place the real talent arrived. It was the petite, pretty and extremely sweet Angel Dawn Massie. And she was breathtaking.

I made her a cocktail and then a lot of cocktails followed and my O came out BIG TIME. And it could have been fatal is Angel didn't have such a great sense of humor. She was a real sport though I spoke to her in the lingo that I normally only do with porn stars. In my whiskey induced haze, I had failed to see the difference.

The night ended with a jam session between Ron on guitar, Emmet on my bass and Josh on sax. When everyone else split Ron and I sat on the back porch, evaluated the day and played old KISS tunes together acoustically. Monday morning got off to an early start as I went over the house cleaning up remnants of the debaucheries of the evening prior. The film guys arrived and Ron and I went to a walk to grab some good Mexican grub.

When Angel finally showed up looking as sweet as she did the day before the gang took off and did an afternoon of filming around town and I tried, really hard, to sleep. Even with a Xanax it was not feasible for me to get any rest and I knew the long night we had ahead of us at NEO. And by 5 PM they were all back with smiles on their faces which told me that they indeed grabbed some wonderful shots. Angel hung out with us all for the remainder of the day till it was time for us to head to NEO which we did at a little after 9. And as we set up and the doors opened at 10 the crowd began to filter in. A lot of people get in the video including Susie the winner of the contest whose role was put spill a drink on me as I was playing the role of the club owner who refused to pay Ron due to the stain on my suit from the spilling of the drink.

A lot of familiar faces showed up and the shoot went on for a while, Dann as usual was spinning some of the best hard rock including Ron's work with Celtic Frost as well as his solo stuff as Subsonic. Even Anand Bhatt the president of the Sonicwave International label (and former porn star) made an appearance. 4AM came around quicker than expected, Ron and I came back a bit buzzed, walked to 7-11 for some junk food and we both crashed. By the time he woke up it was time for him to leave for the airport. I went part of the way with him and spent the afternoon walking around Lincoln Park, and drooling over all of the new Batman stuff at Chicago Comics. It was the perfect day. The weather was by far the best of the year thus far.

Firestorm showed up at 6 we went to eat at the New China Buffet and had more laughs than I can ever remember having during a dinner of any kind.

Today, I'm exhausted and surprised that I could muster the brainwaves in order to complete this update. Angel and I have vowed to stay in touch and she has offered me her friendship, and that is something I couldn't ask more for. A new friend, and a beauty at that.

Friday night is Voodoo Organist, an act I'm proud to host at EXIT. Between now and then you can bet I'm resting and the weather will be cold, and I am hearing wet.

At least Smallville is on tonight.

The Voodoo Organist show is a little over a week away and I'm looking forward to that I only wish Creepy could make it up for the show. I know he'll catch it in Indy but I know we'd have a good one together at EXIT. DEVILED SPAM DEVILED SPAM! EAT IT FROM THE CAN! YEAH YEAH YEAH!

So the weather has added to some stress and depression for whatever reason. I do know what it is though, I figured it out yesterday. And it has to do with a huge regret. A very huge regret. Chatting with Jode I was not being my very optimistic self when it dawned upon me. How have I managed to make so many bad decisions in one span of 20 years. And 18 years into that period one would think I would have known better.

Anyway, my email was down for a few days and it did give me some time to get some much deserved personal things in order, in line and out of the way. Though it seems I lost track of time for a day or so I'm glad I did. Many emails from friends wondering what was up etc and a few surprise spur of the moment visits from a couple friends helped to get my quacks in a row and set some other actions in motion. The weather in Chicago was warm, warmer, then rainy and chilly. I did spend many hours on my back porch swing taking in the elements. Then it got goddamned cold. And by that time I was in much need of sleep.

Maybe much of it was last Tuesday at Ranalli's when I had 2 new members inducted into the Beer Mafia and hung out with Tony the buyer for Tower Records. I got him to put in some orders for eth new Subsonic and I LOVE RICH Cd's for their upcoming events. It was one of the best times I've had there in a long time. And I had to be back there on Thursday but completely forgot a prior arrangement so I rescheduled an interview I did with a few fellows who will be traveling with PIGFACE on the tour which begins next week.

Friday just after noon at 12:30 I left home for Ranalli's which meant I had to transfer just blocks north of Wrigley Field ON THE CUBS HOME OPENING DAY What a mistake. The normally 30 min trip took almost 90 min. The fans were many, and in their typical fashion rude, rowdy and already drunk prior to the game. It was a mistake I'll not make again and always check the Cubs schedule before plotting my mode of transportation during the season. It wasn't bad enough I had put the interview off for a day, but now I was arriving 15 min late. Just a week before I had received the following letter.

Hello Alex Zander,
I am a local independent filmmaker, who for over the past month, have been working with Martin Atkins & Co. on the Free For All Tour Documentary. I am very excited and proud of this project. We've been following the loyal fans, focusing on the field reps/street teams/promotional parties (Nocturna/Belmont Undead)...and the pre-production that goes on at Martin's office. We are also covering the West Coast and Midwest dates of this tour.

We have been starting to confirm interviews with the Tour sponsors/Promoters/Club Management/etc...
We want to touch base with every aspect and individual that is helping fuel this tour. As an official Tour Sponsor - we would love to hear of why you participating/and about your relationship with M. Atkins/Underground Inc./Related Bands/etc... I am a fan of your publication, and I realize you would have a great perspective to share on film.

If you are interesting in taking part in this Tour Documentary, please let us know ASAP. We will make arrangements/accommodations to for this interview -- we have been doing lunch/dinner filming -- So, If you would prefer a more formal, comfortable setting. The bill is on us.

Please let me know if interested:::
Take Care,
CLIFF

Well I'm all over anything Atkins related, in fact I was once on the diet, but that's an unrelated story so I of course agreed and set it up for Ranalli's. Upon entering late and making introductions we took our table ordered a round of food and a 1/2 yard each and began discussing everything surrounding my work, Martin's work our dedications and the people and environment involved. Some of it fantastic, some of it rather depressing,. Especially when you consider Martin and I have worked the better halves of our lives on different ends of the same spectrum to have to realize the same thing at the same time. Maybe not so much as us seeing it as seeing the reaction of the general public. And when the media has the masses vacuumed into the same way of thinking and buying and not to mention illegal downloaded music, "the futures uncertain and the end is always near."

It ended about 2 hours later we said farewell and I wet to pick up my mail. It was so perfect out in the jacketless weather I opted to walk home, knowing I HAD time and NEEDED the cardiovascular exercise In fact when I decided to walk home in the beautiful weather it took me the same amount of time. It's 4.59 miles and I loved every minute of it.

I caught up on some work and took in some TV did a little chatting and then took a sleeping aid. A little after midnight as I prepared to brush my teeth after shutting down my PC there was a ring at the door bell.. Unexpected pop in or my psycho killer has found me as it has been made fro me to know "it" is trying hard to complete it's interruption of my flow of happiness?

Okay first I need to thank a few people who were kind enough to lend their talents to "50 First Fucks" The April Fools 2005 joke. Talia Juliette www.taliajuliette.com and Corina Taylor www.corinataylor.net for giving me their permission weeks ago to use their likenesses on the prank. You did so with beauty and hour ladies. BIG thanks to Kevin McGroan for working so hard with me last Saturday afternoon in making the box a reality. And I guess I should give credit where credit is due to someone I briefly communicated with named Amy for inspiration on Forgetful Fucking Amy the song that will never be.

And to answer any questions. NO I'M NOT DIRECTING ANY PORN OR ACTING IN ANY nor do I have any aspirations. Thanks Anand.

Now that this is out of the way, I'd like to say that the weather in Chicago is taking a turn for the better and I have a busy day and night planned.