January 16, 2004
The Men In Black Invade Sin City for The Greatest Show On Earth
MK’s Alex Zander and Greg Miner cover the 2004 AVN Adult Entertainment Expo
(For complete photos see our gallery section)
- by Alex Zander MK Founder and President
FRIDAY 1/09/04
Every January right after the holidays, Las Vegas hosts the largest Adult
convention of the year. Attendees include fans, vendors, buyers, and of
course porn stars.
Very early Friday January 9, Greg Miner and I were in Chicago's O'Hare
International Airport boarding an American West flight to Sin City, otherwise known as Las Vegas Nevada. It was a business trip for the annual AVN Expo and Adult Video Awards.
The arrangements were only made 2 months earlier, when I was interviewed by the publication that sponsors the ever-popular event. In fact by the time we had put in our request for press credentials the show was already being hailed
as the most popular to date. And it was about to become evident when we entered the Sands Expo Center adjacent to the Venetian Hotel and Casino.
More on that later.
After we checked into our rooms and cleaned up as much as two long hairs
draped in black are able to, we walked into the massive convention center, got
our badges and were photographed for their records. Security was tight at
this shindig and rightfully so. As we passed the endless line of the thousands who were wading through the line, we had our badges scanned and our images would appear on the security guards hand held monitors. It was nice to know our credentials sand identities were secure and nobody could pose as either one of us. From what I understand, there had been a ridiculous amount of badge swapping in the past.
Once inside we sought out the many names to put with the faces of the
publicity people I've been conversing with over the last 60-days. They also
happen to be the same people who are flooding me with pornographic DVD's.
During our first day at the AVN Expo we mostly shook hands with the appropriate individuals we would have to find on the following day in order
to conduct the interviews we had scheduled.
Jenna Jameson had a line of gargantuan proportions waiting for her. It was unbelievable. Ron Jeremy's line was rather large as well but was a nice counterpart to his bloated head. Now don't get me wrong. Ron is a very nice guy and an extremely respected cultural icon, however the size of this mans melon looks like it needs to be tapped. It appeared like a great pumpkin on his short yet hairy and plump frame. Ron doesn't seem to mind, and why would he. The man holds the world’s record for appearing in the most porn films
and he has worked with every beauty from Ginger Lynn in the early 80's to the platinum perfectly sculpted life-size Barbie's who monopolize the industry today.
Greg was in his element as we weaved our way around the massive convention center. As my cameraman he proved to be eager, able and willing. He was relentlessly shooting images of booths, porn stars attendees and celebrities who also attended the event. The truly amazing thing about the Expo to me was the enormous amount of paying public and fans of the industry who popped out $75 per day to stand in long lines to meet and get autographs from the starlets.
Legends Nina Hartley and Ginger Lynn were virtually unattainable. Unless you wanted to stand in line for hours there as no chance of speaking a word to them or looking in their eyes, or their other famous attributes. I don't do lines anymore. I haven't stood in a line since I got into publishing and I'm not going to start now. Besides, I met Nina years ago in Ohio and she wore my leather biker jacket as she posed for a photo with me, and Chris Curry obtained Gingers autograph for me almost a decade ago. I hold these leading ladies of porn in high regard, but I’m more fascinated by the young hot crop the industry has recently spawned. What has been dubbed as gonzo has me completely in awe and as we were about to learn, a good many of these young ladies aren't even 21, or if they are just happen to be just over the legal drinking age.
I met the people at Abyss who manufacture and design the Real Dolls. Drew Carey owns four of them, but I never want to see one of these creepy things in my home. They do appear to be "real" girls, and in the dark they could fool even the most clear headed social drinker. However they are cold and dead to the touch. And even a necrophiliac would freak over these things. I posed for a photo inserting a middle finger into a particular
orifice I chose, laughed and continue to converse with it's creator.
We again made our way around the ever-expanding parade of attendees and we
noticed that barely any of the new ladies in this profession are over 5 ft tall. In fact most of them are approximately 4'11 under 100 lbs with about 10 lbs. of silicone/saline and collagen. Some are naturally beautiful and some are only attractive in the light under about a pound of make up over their flawed skin. The male stars of this generation are not nearly in the 6 ft. range but are muscular and buff, and with the creation of viagra any man now can perform in front of a camera and room full of onlookers, producers and fluff girls.
So far we were well received and we treated with the utmost respect and admiration. There was no attitude amongst the professionals the way there are in rock n roll. No attitudes and no massive egos were apparent.
I came across Tiffany Mynx signing Buttman posters and postcards and mentioned I owned her comic book. She smiled, looked me in the eye and asked, "Are you going to whip it out?" and I responded "What the comic book or? " She laughed and looked at a fan and asked him, "Honey why are you shaking, you're shaking baby." I couldn't help but laugh. There we a
lot of guys who may have never been laid or at least had the pleasure of
being with such willing and lovely specimens. Not being vain myself, but
working in the entertainment business and being engulfed with celebrities and sex symbols, it's become a life of experiences that I have become numb to. And have been for a long time.
I sent about an hour plus in the private B2B (business to business) area
Which was wholesalers and vendors and was cut off to the general public. This was where I exchanged most of our newly printed business cards and collected samples of their products. I spoke at length with the sales rep for Vivid Virility (a supplement which contains a proprietary blend of all-natural herbs designed to enhance a woman's libido and maximize orgasms.) He gave me a few samples of the male and female variety and I moved on.
This was not an area for photographing and meeting porn stars, and Greg was
getting annoyed by it. Granted it wasn't fun but this was one of the biggest reasons I traveled here. I exchanged cards and then we went back out with the masses. And it was crowded, too crowded. And there was no alcohol allowed on the floor, as my claustrophobia kicked in. When I'm in a crowded room of this magnitude and don't have a drink to calm me down, the result is not comforting.
So we made our exit, decided to grab a bite to eat, a few drinks, go to our
room and prepare for the parties that would begin later in the night. On the
way through the lobby I met photographer Suze Randal who both Grego and I are fans of and got a photo with her. She seemed honored to be asked for a picture. We met her husband, daughter and babysitter.
We got to our room, grabbed a bottle of Tequila that Marcos Vato had sent us to Vegas with and walked around looking for a place to eat. Las Vegas after Thursday should be called Las "Read The Small Print" Vegas. This is because many deals that are advertised are not valid on the weekend. This was something we learned pretty quickly. We filled our bellies and hopped a
cab to the Venetian where Jill Kelly Productions had us on the guest list for their all night party. The line of people trying to get in was hilarious and VIP's were light. I was to discover the next day that it was due to the Seymour Butts party-- which we were on the list for--that was also going on with open-bar. I was under the impression Seymour’s party was the following evening. Anyway, we partied there for about 4 hours and then went back to our hotel.
SATURDAY 1/10/04
I had no problem falling asleep since I got very little sleep the previous 48 hours, and I had a full day of interviews lined up back at the Expo in the morning.
At 8:30 I was alive and kicking and got my bag together with tapes, a recorder, a video camera and my materials with instructions for my interviews. We arrived at the Expo and waited to be let in with the industry types at 10AM which
was when our first interview was scheduled for. After getting past Hitler Jr. we shot directly back to the Digital Playground booth.
We were surprised to learn that alcohol was banned at the show. It turns out that somebody was busted giving away beer and (simulated?) blowjobs at the AVN Expo. The ATF (Bureau of Alcohol,Tobacco and Firearms) shut somebody down and stopped the entire convention from selling alcohol. On the first day, the AVN Expo was selling beer and alcohol. Then it stopped. Why?
Whoever was giving away the beer at the Expo faces a $500,000 fine.
XXX says: Two girls were caught exposing themselves on day one. Sands Expo
Center was cited for serving alcohol in a place with nudity....one more citation and they would have lost there license to sell booze altogether so they just shut it down instead of risking it.
We actually had a bottle of Jack Daniels half full of Arizona Ice Tea stuffed into our bag. We wanted the girls to pose with it as mans best friend. Something Grego and I thought was funny. We found a bar in the lobby to periodically refill our blood system with drinks every hour or so. can't have too much blood in the alcohol system.
In the DP booth Adella (the publicist for the company) set up interviews with director Bobby D, and Nic Andrews, who both vowed never to work in the mainstream again. The industry is so profitable and the money far exceeds anything in the mainstream. With the exception of Gregory Dark, none of these guys have any desire even to do music videos.
After talking to the two fellows we were introduced to the lovely Jesse
Jane. Her presence was intense and she was soft spoken, witty and a
pleasure. She truly has some brains to go along with her body. Jesse is 22,
started off at Hooters and later on was a Hawaiian Tropics girl. She has a perfect little face with enhanced lips as well as seriously exaggerated breasts. Miss Jane is very tiny at 4'11 and a lot of fun. We shared a few laughs, and then she posed for a few photos and a brief video before we were off.
After taking a little break we returned to talk with Devon, another of the contract starts for DP. She was really nice as well but appeared to be tired
and a little hung over. She spoke of an abusive relationship and many things
that were totally the opposite of JJ. We were caught off guard to learn that
she took 8 hours to complete her energetic virtual DVD which is one of the
biggest sellers. These girls only do the big budget films by the way.
We wrapped up and it was time to head over to Metro to begin our interviews. Their publicist Janie directed us to the most cozy and hospitable location for press and stars, complete with deli tray and refreshments. Our first interview was with a hard-edged but gorgeous director named Britney Foster. She had the platinum curls and killer body that the stars all own, but films only girl/girl films. She had a well-hidden tattoo on her neck that read “Fuck off”. She was very-very cool and seemed to understand our distaste for all girl scenes.
We followed up by interviewing Kelly Erikson, Latin Bombshell AnnMarie, and the tiny and insatiable Gauge. Gauge was fun and quite open, despite her reputation for being difficult. We talked about her house arrest, her upcoming gonzo series for Fusxion and her contract with Metro which was almost never came to be.
Bridgette Kerkove was nowhere to be found but we saw her hubby hobnobbing all day in a booth we didn't really expect to see him in. Ron Jeremy was also late and rescheduled the next day, but unfortunately we had other obligations with Wicked on Sunday at the same time.
Over at Sin City we talked to the young, tall and energetic Aurora Snow, who has been appearing in some truly gonzo and anal stuff. Now you have to keep in mind that I’ve been out of the Adult Film loop for several years and just becoming aware of gonzo and the young girls that appear in the genre. It's not what I consider self-preservation but it is awe-inspiring and some fun eye candy to behold.
Greg and I decided to gather some more photos and a bunch of autographs for Marcos, who was nice enough to send us out there with some killer tequila. Marcos is also one of those loyal friends who’s always there and asks for nothing. He already has an O in his name and is always and O in our book.
As we walked about we ran into a few celebrity types. Mike Tyson and his large posse rushed through the crowd in what looked more like an attempt to be seen. Unless he was on a butt hunt. I couldn't help it and yelled out
"rapist!". His crew looked around but we were hidden in a crowd unlike any I've ever seen. It rivaled that of any rock concert I've been to. And the lines were endless.
I ran into Hulk Hogan and he was cool enough to pose for a photo. Then Max Hardcore smiled for a shot, and he seemed like a really nice guy. He’s also a short man. I asked him if he remembered Shane Bugbee (aka Mike Hunt) from Chicago. He denied. I followed up with, "yeah he and his wife Amy have EvilNow.com, mikehuntsonfire.com, hosted the Expo Of The Extreme and several Court Of Porn show, and said you know them" and he claimed to never heard of them. This made me feel like a fool because I truly believed Shane had worked with the guy as he claimed. Max took it all in stride and was a perfect gentleman.
Next I ran into Kevin Starr who I met in Hollywood a year ago at The Key Club and his wife Elizabeth who has seriously overblown torpedoes. She's in the Smashmouth video "Your My Number One" She now measures a 44 double I breast size. Kevin provided us with a couple beers. It didn't occur to me at this time that the booze was shut out of the show. It was great seeing them again and then they introduced me to a very whacked member of Pretty Boy Floyd who just did a show here in Chicago with our friends I LOVE RICH. This guy, as cool and friendly as he was, had been up for days and it showed. He was sloppy and funny at the same time. And I reminisced about the times I've been in public in that condition. Now I know what it looked like to others. Sure makes me glad I've put those days behind me. Hunter S. Zander. We rapped and traded contact info And he promised to come play Chicago again soon.
Greg and I were on a quest to meet Rob Black and Extreme Associates, who were temporarily suspended while under investigation by the government. When we found his booth we were thrilled. We met his mother and father who were great and we explained how we were behind what they’re about. Rob’s father hung out with us till we found Rob and then Greg and Jimbo were at 100%. This guy is shocking to say the least. He cranks out the stuff people who love Porn are offended by and we find that amusing. Extreme and shocking is fun to the two men in black and we made our own suggestions which Mr. Black seemed amused by, or maybe he was disgusted and just wanted us to go away. Either way, we praised him for taking on the people trying to suppress the First Amendment.
We were really starting to get tired and as we strolled around the ever
expanding crowd it seemed like it was closing in on us. TV and film crews
were showing up and the fans were coming in by the boatload. So we decided to get out of dodge and finish up the following day. We grabbed the bottle and as we arrived outside were appalled by the lines for the cabs and limos. There was no way we would be able to stand the wait after being up on our feet all day. We were told the wait would be well over an hour at any location so we headed for the strip. There we heard the annoying pumping of bass and bad music. It was two rich kids and I flagged them down. We asked them for a lift and they obliged. We were laughing our asses off at their poor choice of music and at our destination jumped out of their car and ran up to our hotel.
I was beat so I grabbed a few drinks and one of those 3/4 pounder hot dogs
and by 7:30 was out cold. After I fell asleep Grego had apparently said “Fuck It!” and went across the street to “The Girls Of Glitter Gulch” a topless gentleman’s club. 6 hours later I was awakened by Greg—raging, intoxicated and in his rarest form ever. He was a screaming like a madman, having apparently spent the previous 6 hours boozing it up. He told me had the best lap dances of his life and had a white chick, a black chick a Asian a Brazilian whose sister also worked in the club. After he passed out I was wide awake for the rest of the night, and that was the last sleep I'd get until about 11PM on Monday back in Chicago. In my state of unrest I wandered around looking for anything to eat and all the eateries were closed but the bars and gambling tables were open for business. I made a few calls had a few hair of the dogs to wake me up and decided to wake up Greg from his drunken slumber.
Sunday 1/11/04
We had one more day to go and made our way by noon for one more exhausting day at the AVN Expo. Our driver for some reason felt the need to drop us off about a mile away from the Venetian, and normally I wouldn't mind but I was carrying a bag from shoulder to shoulder that was heavier than most of the super-sized cat litter bags I buy for my boys. And a nylon strap 2 inches wide can be rather painful digging into ones shoulder. It was about this time a female valet called me out and said, "I saw you on Channel last night". Greg asked "us?", and she replied, I don't know about you but I saw him on Channel at the Porn Awards." BUSTED!
In the press room as I made an update to this site Daniel Metcalf from Wicked asked if I’d be dropping by. I confirmed and we went back upstairs. The crowd was far lighter then the day before. We saw Vince Neil and his chick and said goodbye to a few others. We conducted interviews with Syndee Steele, Stephanie Swift and Kaylani Lei. With them we hung out in the Wicked Booth for a while took some photos and autographs and made some small talk.
Walking around I ran into Dino Cazares who I knew from back when he was in Fear Factory. He was a big fan of Tyfanny Mynx when we last talked a few years ago. I pointed her out and he told me that they are now friends. We chatted about his new band Killing Spree and about Dez and his new band Devil Driver who I am old friends with. He talked to Greg about when Electric Hellfire Club used to open for FF. Greg incidentally used to play guitar of EHC and that’s How we met back in 1995.
And we wandered off into the mix, tired, hungover and washed out.
By mid afternoon we were wiped out. And from the looks of everyone else working the show so were they. I mentioned to a few of the girls that I never thought I’d be tired of porn and they agreed. As we made our third and final exit we stopped at a Hotel bar in the heart of the Venetian and saved a young Asian porn starlet from some middle-aged fat cats throwing their money around. They even bought me a drink and I chatted with their prey till she managed to make her escape thanking us in the process.
We had a few drinks and watched some drunken girls make out for cameras, and I stopped Vince Neil in the lobby for a photo and to talk about his appearance on Expose in Chicago, which he doesn’t recall. Grego and I had a few more laughs and managed to hail a cab to our final destination.
By early evening the event was behind us and we had some laughs and stopped by my friend Elizabeth’s house and her mother made us dinner. We got to the airport a bit early for our redeye flight in hopes that there’d be space on the plane but we were wrong, it was capacity. Somehow after we were on-board it seemed there would be a seat between Greg and I. But as the flight prepared to depart, they paged a customer who was late for the flight. And as luck would have it Hey Hey Hey he was headed our way. Fat Albert squeezed his obscenely obese frame between us. With his headphones on he shouted out as he shuffled his ass between the arm rests, “Don’t be a Player”. Shortly after 530 AM and after Fat Albert ate 2 bags of Taco Bell we were back hone in Chicago, home of the cold.
And so ended a glorious weekend of decadence in Sin City. We’re already looking forward to next year!
This story could not have happened and our trip to Las Vegas would not have been a reality without the help from the following people:
Tim Connelly AVN President
Frank Majors AVN Editor
Adella Digital Playground
Dominic Cherry Boxx
Tina Tyler Sin City
Janie Liszewski Metro
Daniel Metcalf Wicked
Jason Secrest DV8
Andrew Mun Video Software Distribution
Scott Hoover Jill Kelly Productions
TJ Pure Play Media
Pamela Peaks
Matt Real Doll/Abyss Productions
Max Hardcore
Kevin Starr
Rob Black and Family Extreme Associates
Seymour Butts
Venus Niteclub staff
And all the lovely ladies of porn
See you in 2005- AZ
Posted by Alex Zander at January 16, 2004 04:11 PM