MK Magazine Editorials

I found out a week prior to heading out to Las Vegas to the Adult Video News Adult Entertainment Expo that it would be a Grego-less trip. And after a year of planning it seemed doomed from there. However, it'd be just Karlton our greatest glamour photo bug and yours truly. I had Talia Juliette the former porn starlet, and current Vegas based fetish model, who appeared in a number of films under the name Midnight Isis added in Grego's place. I also acquired a pass for my old drinking buddy and partner in crime, Tom Tretter who now lives and works in LA. He designs action figures for films and other retailers, and is currently working on next years Star Wars and Fantastic Four figures for their related films.

So the time came to leave and we got hit with the biggest snowstorm in Chicago in the last four years all in 1 days. We got a foot in 24-hours and it didn't stop, hence causing hundreds of cancellations at both of our airports. And on Wednesday it was hopeless and the airlines reported if you can change flights, to do so. But I wasn't heading to the airport till 3:30 AM on Thursday so I thought I'd be okay for a 6 AM flight out. Just in case I phoned Delta. And it's a good thing I did. Originally they had me flying from Chicago to Cincinnati to Dallas and then to Vegas. They switched it to flying to Cincinnati, to Atlanta and then to Vegas, which ironically would have gotten me in Vegas before noon.

THURSDAY:

When I got to O'Hare after only maybe an hour of sleep at the most, I was told the flight they had booked me on was cancelled when they booked me on it, and proceeded to tell me I could get to Vegas by 10 PM that night. Well my horns must have come out, because within minutes they squeezed me onto a 9 AM to Cincinnati and then to Vegas, which didn't get me there till 3 PM, which SUCKED.

My first interview on the trade day was scheduled at 4 and even after getting my bags and checking in would no way get me to the church on time. But there was nothing I could do. So I sat at O'Hare waited for a few hours to boarding and when I got to Cincinnati I called Talia and left her a message if she could, would she meet me at the airport baggage claim and pick me up. Well hours in the air I had no idea whether she would or not. While in the air against the window, unable to doze off I was stuck next to an older couple who of course had no problem sleeping whatsoever. So I could not get past them to urinate.

We arrived in warm Las Vegas about 2:30, I dashed to the restroom, went to baggage where I found our tiny and beautiful viXXXen, Talia Juliette who was know in the adult industry as Midnight Isis. I guess I'm not hard to pick out in a crowd and we hugged, grabbed my bags and drove off towards the hotel. Well not after getting lost and ending up back at the airport. She's a great person, but as far as living in Vegas, she doesn't know the strip well enough to navigate it. In her lil red wagon I called the hotel to see if K Rawk had yet arrived. They claimed to have no record of him. I called him and he said he was there en route to his room. I arrived and cut the long line of CES nerds checking into the hotel and the folks at the desk claimed to have no record of the K man still. As I was walking back to Talia's car, I hear him call out, "ZANDER!" and I turn to find our guy. He was quite unimpressed with the room and went in to give the staff more shit. This was about to become a trend as I would learn. Nobody fucks with Karlton, Karlton does the fuckin'"

Finally we checked in and I changed and we were off to the Sands which also proved to be ill fated because Talia was getting lost again. We needed up parking in the adjacent Venetian Hotel parking lot, which like all Casinos offer free parking. Hell, the airport only costs $1 an hour at the meters in the parking garage. Not bad.

We got into the Sands as we saw a lot of the girls coming out. Passed Ron Jeremy and Vince Neil and Mini Me, and being it was 4:30 PM and the days Industry Only affair ended at 4 it really sucked. But still we went in and a dozen cameras filmed us, we met up with Carly, then Elizabeth and Kevin Starr, had a few drinks, (their security were bikers) and found Jef Hickey from Kick Ass, a guy I've been wanting to meet for years and I even grabbed Deauxma as she was leaving. You may remember reading about and seeing her photos from our Glamour Con expose' titled "Glamour Is A Rocky Road" from the end of last summer. On the way out I caught up with Adam aka Seymore Butts for a minute and he signed my book. Despite what you or anyone may think, this guy is a class act. We took a minute to rap and then our krew started making our way out.

We saw a few others and drove back to the hotel a few hours later. By the way we stayed at the Best Western Mardi Gras which is right of the strip and for the inflated convention price of $90 per night, was a bargain. It was only a $5 ride for 3-4 people in a cab, they had 99 cent shrimp cocktail, Steak and lobster for $9.95, and $1 Heinekens, not to mention after midnight, hot dogs and 23 oz beer for only $2.50. Karlton was getting ready and Talia and I dropped downstairs for Nachos, potato Skins and wings (I believe) and we had a head start on the big bottle of Makers Mark I brought along.

We headed out to the Hard Rock Hotel via taxi and walked in on the way to the AVN AEE big kick off party hosted by Pure Play and Seymore Butts aka Adam Glasser and company. The very first person we bumped into was non-other that 80's top 10 rocker, Huey Lewis. I wasted no time in asking him for a photo-op and he polietely declined, stating, he chat with me all night but didn't do photos. Then he saw Talia, and said he'd do a photo as long as she was in it and he could have one of her cigarettes. We all jumped in and a guy who reconized me (nameless, in a white pimp-like outfit) who was obviously known in the industry jumped in the shot and hung around us till we went to the red carpet area. As Carly walked us from the stuffy line to the red carpet area we mingled with some of the girls walking in. The paparazzi lined up as the eye candy began to file in. Talia and I walked down and cameras snapped away. The line to the party was about 2000 long from what I've been told and a lot of stars were unable to gain access. I even had to take Seymore and Mari Possa in, and it was his party. Unable to get a wrist band for the VIP area Adam announced he was leaving. Security heard this and quickie arranged for his wristband.

Upon entering the rocking party I literally tossed Talia onto Lemmy which sort of freaked him out. However, Talia had stated that her dream was to get a pic with Motorhead's mainman so I had to make it happen, and felt obligated to keep my promise. Gene Simmons was there and being that he has never done any drugs or been intoxicated, and is 5 years younger than Lemmy, for whatever reason Lemmy looks better and more fit. Maybe the liquor has embalmed him thus causing preservation. Whatever it is, Lemmy was more cordial than the Tonguester. Stephen Tyler was floating around and I looked for my friends in the industry and YES I'm referring to stars. I did finally bump into Jimmy Mofo of www.mofowear.net and we rapped and grabbed a quick photo. The place was jammed and I was separated from Talia and Karlton, on my way out the line was as long as the casino and people were getting turned away and/or getting tired of trying to get in. These were all industry people and I felt their pain. I loathe those type of lines. I refuse them. I jumped into a cab and went to the hotel, met up with a "friend", and went up to grab some well needed shut-eye. I was later than the duo and before I could count sheep, the alarm went off and it was time to shower and get to the show. And our first interview on this snowy Friday morning in Las Vegas (a snow K - Rawk and I were blamed for bringing) would be at 9 AM.

FRIDAY:

Karlton and I went downstairs for the white trash buffet. It left us both with quite an impression, we wouldn't be eating the buffet again. We got there a little early, Talia who got home a little late/early would meet with us a bit later, as would Tom Tretter who called informing his flight was in and he'd be meeting us later. I had his press badge on me so we were ready to rock. The first person I saw was the legend Janine Lindemulder, and she signed my book in the front because she didn't like the pregnancy photo of her inside, which I feel looks just fine. She is pretty well known for only doing girl-girl scenes during her reign in the business, until her recent highly publicized divorce from TV's Jesse James, which whose child was carrying during their separation. She recently did her first official boy-girl that is if you don't count the bootleg video of her and Vince Neil which "leaked" out a few years back. Howard Stern always called her the most beautiful girl in porn.

Dominic from Cherry Boxx is one of the BEST. They had Cytherea and I've wanted, wished, desired, lusted and craved to meet and talk to her since Jimmy Mofo mentoned her to me in an email a year prior. She has an uncanny ability to squirt, spray and soak from reportedly 12 ft. I think 5 at best, but I ain't one to argue aginst a pro, Hell yes I am). We had a long, in-depth discussion, on tape I add, about squirting, fucking etc. She ROCKED, and I must add, went on to win Best New Starlett, and deservingly so. I CANNOT imagine how drunk, or a contact drunk, she may have achieved after tongue licking me.

I caught Teagan Presley walking around, she's the latest Digital Playground signee, and we talked a few minutes. She's the one whose claim to fame is three things, 1) She looks incredibly like Britney Spears, 2) She got famous from having a scene on the second disc of the One Night In Paris DVD, 3) Has the nicest round and plump ass of any gal her age in porn. Of course a butt boy like me has an eye for that. She was really nice and we took a few pix and we agreed to talk about a few subjects during our interview later on.

Afterwards we were scheduled to interview Sylvia Saint, Danni Ashe (most downloaded lady on the net) and Mari Possa. Everyone was running late and I imagine due to the party the night before We eventually got Sylvia (fucking gorgeous) and the Mari Possa who hung out with us here in Chicago back on Halloween weekend. Mari wore a Damage Manual shirt for us. We shot over to meet Nina Hartley the legend and up and coming Puerto Rican beaut Carmen Luvana at the Adam and Eve booth. KSEX was up top filming us with their cameras and there was a HUGE crowd gathering for the live broadcast. Nina was great addressing censorship in-depth and with passion, as well as Anal sex. And Carmen was lovely as can be, we took some fun pix, Carmen sported a DAMAGE MANUAL shirt for us and we discussed her first on-screen anal.

We kept making our rounds and I dropped by the Digital Playground booth at 1, which is when I thought out interviews with Teagan, Devon and Jesse Jane was supposed to be, at least according to my records. Adella had us down for Sunday which one of us goofed up. We had a few minutes with Devon and she was sweet as last year and more together than last year when she was a bit hung over and pre-occupied, which it seemed at the time. Jesse saw us and Karlton shot as she pointed at us and was distracted by someone else......

After we hung out at the Digital Playground booth it was off to make our rounds, but we had to grab Tom Tretter. We found him and began circling the place over. We seemed to spend a lot of time with Starr productions where they were surrounded by heavy biker security, and it was a great time because as far as I'm concerned, the Starr's are the most rock n roll people in the Adult genre and it's no wonder we like them so much. One of the people I ended up running into was Arianna Jolie, and I must insist she is incredibly hot, on film and in person. She sure does fill her jeans nicely. But she did or is doing that 50 man anal cream pie and I've got to wonder why. I love nasty but that eclipses my definition of the word. We grabbed a photo op and I moved on.

We hit up Jef Hickey at the Kick Ass booth. Jef and I have been corresponding for years back to when he published New Rave and Dirrty Magazines, two of the finest in filth. He always had bands like Electric Hellfire Club , Type O, Lords Of Acid and Manson in his rags. He gave us to the lovely Violet Blue who after our interview I bit her toe and then to Mary Carey who had run unsuccessfully for governor of California against Arnold what's his name. Karlton thought she was fat but I think she's just a cool, pretty chick with big naturals. Which is something that Kick Ass specializes in. That and worms. I have to say, K Rawk has the most discriminating taste I know of. No wonder he has Natalie.

Occasionally we'd drop by the Pure Play Media booth to say hi to Carly, she had her arms FULL. I have no idea how she managed to juggle so much responsibility, but she did. Some of her girls were late but it was no problem, that's something that comes with the territory, these gals are high maintenance, believe me, I know from personal experience.

A bit later we dropped by to see Deauxma and she introduced me to a girl whose name I didn't get till after I picked her up in my arms and bit her on her boobie. After which I asked, in a polite way as possible, "What was your name?" It was funny cause she kept sneaking me the stink eye whenever I walked by. She was fun, that's for damn sure. Hell, she put up with and joked with us. (and didn't lose a clear-heel all weekend)

I grabbed Max Hardcore and chatted a bit about Queeny Love, someone who I was hoping I'd get to meet, but didn't. And ran into people like Penn Gillette, and on the way out stopping by the Pure Play booth and inside the VIP area it was no other than Gene Simmons and he was being a condescending jerk. And that's being nice. I mean this, Gene used to call me allot back in the in between make up days and want to do interviews. And we supported him and KISS a lot in those days. After the KISS Konventions and subquesent reunion he replaced shock and theatrics with playing the role of a money hungry mogul. And this day he was old and there was lots of bad press about him from the people covering the show. But for myself, everytime I asked a question, or made a statement, or any attempt at conversation he simply answered and turned his head. Tom was appalled. I was just annoyed. Finally his body guard came over and said 'Gene was too tired" to talk, but that changed the minute that they started bringing girls into pose with him. And me and everyone else in the inside knows what a tired facade this has become and it's more like a joke. But someone is buying it. We all concluded the same thing. Fuck em. He seems to forget the fans and others who supported his band all those years. MANY YEARS.

Carly writes on her blog:

"And up walks Gene Simmons.

I stood to the side to get out of the way. He stared at me and offered his hand. So I shook it.

“Hi, Mr. Simmons,” I said. “I’m Carly, and I do publicity for Pure Play Media.”

He gripped my hand and shook it, but then he didn’t let go. Instead, he pulled me into the booth and started muttering in my ear as he put his arm around my shoulder.

“You know, you’re hotter than any of the other girls in here,” he said. “I like you.”

“That’s very nice, but I’m taken.”

He yanked his arm off me. “Then I have no interest in you.”

With that, he took a seat in our conference room and sat on the couch.

Priceless."

A bit later on the way out I heard a woman's voice call out to me over some annoying rap/hip-hop music. It was Kelly Erikson, and she was all smiles. I looked over made a few gangsta' rap gestures resulting in a few laughs from her, and then walked over for a hug, kiss and brief conversation. Then I saw Janie from Metro and apologized for missing my interview but other girls were late, she was cool and happily rescheduled for the next day.

It was about this time I ran into Skeeter Kerkove and to my surprise he was very cool. And I mean extremely gracious and a true gentleman. I was amazed. By the look of his films it seems he'd be a prick. But he was awesome. we promised to meet up the next day and that was that. I said goodbye to all of them and Kelly and moseyed through the massive crowd.

We all split, Tom and I hit up my room for some Makers Mark and some antics downstairs at the bar, and later karaoke. Talia and Karlton hit up a store for a video card which took hours and then commenced on the MK photo shoot with her. With the limited amount of entertainment to be had at the Mardi Gras bar we somehow managed to have a decent time. And I stress on somehow. But TT and I can pretty much find fun anywhere. I did some Karaoke to the Doors, of course, drank a bit more, talked to some ladies etc. It was funny cause they had no idea we thought it was funny that they were hitting on us. One woman told me I would be cute if I shaved off my goatee and cut my hair. I replied rather loudly "Fuck That!" Oh well, what happened to Sampson when they cut his fucking hair? End of discussion.

I went back up, saw the images Karlton and Talia had worked on and grabbed some shut eye. I was D-E-A-D!

SATURDAY:

The alarm, again went off too early. We rose showered, shaved and made our way to the venue, only we were, somehow much too early. So we had to kill some time in the lobby and the press room.

Naturally our initial stop was with Pure Play to say hello to the lovely Carly and then to Starr Productions to see Kevin and the krue. They were ready to rock and as we hung out Steve ( guy we know from Chicago) and Lemmy dropped by to get some photos. Poor Lemmy, the guy cannot go anywhere without seeing my crazy face. However, I do need to make one thing perfectly clear, for the record. Gene Simmons who brags, claims and boasts that he's never in his life been drunk or high. And then there's Lemmy, who turns 60 this year and is five years older than Simmons somehow looks healthier, in better shape and a lot more refined than Gene. And Lemmy makes no secret of his substance abuse. And I bet he , for real, gets more tail.

We walked over to the Metro booth where Tom Tretter stood waiting. We all went to a private room where I interviewed Kelly Erikson, a busty blonde who for the past year is fast becoming my favorite porn star. The girl is an absolute blast, she's fun and funny and possesses a great sense of humor, one that easily accommodates some of our twisted sense of. She was quick to plug her first on-screen anal, which was something I intended to bring up. Funny how when these girls do that, it's the BIGGEST news. Certainly one for the fans, for her pocketbook and certainly pleasure. Kelly who really hasn't made that many movies in 2004 informed me that being that she's under contract with Metro that she's pretty much salary. This means no stripping or any of that other stuff non-contract chicks need to do to make ends meet. I suspect she may have a well to do b/f or s/o but who knows. I didn't ask, however, I insisted she must do something with us in Chicago and she seemed open to it. I think we could put the week we had with Gauge here to shame. Kelly is great and always the most fun to chat with at the show. Plus she loves putting my drinkage between those big boobs. I had mentioned that Tom and I did white trash karaoke the night before and I mentioned that the one older lady who was coming onto me, mentioned I'd be better looking if I shaved and cut my hair. In unison, Kelly and I both said out loud, "Fuck that." Whether she was being nice or just playing cool, it was funny, at least to me. Tom probably sat there thinking of me as an aging-ugly fuck. Though I don't feel that I look my age, I'm certainly starting to feel it.

Next up was the man, Skeeter Kerkove. We had a lot to talk about and one was his $10,000 off to prove that squirters are faking. He claims and has a great argument that it's piss. Now all this time, in my mind I was hoping it was real. For I'd love nothing more than to have Cytherea soak my face and more. But to be pissed on, like Skeeter says, is fucked up. Screw that. Now I do need to interject here, that Skeeters movies are well, for lack of a better phrase, brutal. The damage he puts a woman's anal cavity through is astounding almost gut-wrencthing. His wife does the same thing to herself. They are quite the pair. My point here is, I never expected Skeeter Kerkove to be as cordial, polite and nice as he is. It was a true surprise, something I'm getting more and more accustomed to in pornland. He even invited me to stay at his house on my next visit to LA and sit in on one of his productions. Now, that is truly an offer I cannot refuse.

I need to save the rest of the details for the interview I did with him, but it was pretty funny when I asked the following question. "How does your wife (Bridget) do all that stretching stuff with her bung?" He smiled and replied, (polietely) "PRACTICE." Now that's a quote.

Finally it was time for Andrea Brookes, more popularly known as the famous, Miss Howard Stern. I couldn't wait to talk to her. She has a baby voice and a teenage and petite body and she was very very entertaining and made no secret that she is in search of a sugar daddy. The details of the interview I shall save for the in print version of MK, but let's just say, it was incredibly entertaining. I got her autograph for Marc Osorno as promised, and did some photos as the manager posed us provocatively, and we were done at Metro. We were supposed to see Ron Jeremy but his line was so long that I didn't want to leave his fans waiting while we rapped with the Hedgehog.

Then by sheer accident, I ran into Vicky Vette. And I broke into her line, introduce myself, and caught up with the lady who I've been waiting for over a year to meet. Vicky's story is an interesting one, and one that I feel is important and significant for all women over 30, and into their 40's.

Born in Norway, Vicky Vette has come to be known as the Viking Vixen. She writes of herself, " I only started modeling in Feb 03. I sent in a snapshot to Hustlers Beaverhunt. I figured I had nothing to lose and it was now or never. I was already 37." 37 in 2003, which makes her 39 now. And a hot 39 indeed. Proof in the pudding people, you don't need to be "barely legal" or just 18 to be this smoking HOT. Married to her swinger husband of 16 years, she has now done over 75 videos, done 20 magazine layouts, and appeared on several websites, including Danni.com, and many more.

I managed to get her to stop signing autographs and do an interview with me. Vicky is SMART, lovely, beautiful and a perfect example of how comfortable a woman should feel about her age, in an era where all of our "it girls" and celebrities are post pubescent teensters. It was a true and overdue pleasure meeting her.

Karton, Tom, Talia and I spent the remainder of the afternoon strolling around the giant floor of the show, stopping often by Starr Productions and goofing off with stars and their managers. We gathered a lot of business cards and Karlton looked for gifts for Natalie. I posed for a photo with a gal at the worm, I mean Kick Ass booth and my tag came off again. This happened to Karlton in the booth on Friday, to me on Friday with Violet and to me again, Saturday night. This time it was gone. Someone had gotten ahold of it and must have used it in the wrong way, and for the wrong purposes. However it's hard to get far posing as me, since most of them know who I am by this point anyway. The we all split and talked about meeting later but all ended up going solo.

I spent most of the evening at the casino lounge, and talked with an older British gent named Bob, and made small talk with the staff. Later I went up and got Karlton and he joined me for a bit and we met a young lady who hung out a while then came up to the room to hangout and drink. I sacked out and somehow K Rawk got rid of her. He said I layed there in bed giggling for about 20-minutes before falling asleep. It echoes what my bro JSIN says, the SAME DAMN THING.

SUNDAY

We awoke, packed, checked our bags and dragged our tired asses to the show for one last run. I had a hard time getting a new pass, in fact I didn't get a replacement at all. Talia woke up and drove hers over to me and I used it. Nobody really looked at the name since they had seen me pass almost 100 times at this point. I got in and went to Digital Playground where I was supposed to meet Jesse and Teagan, but neither of them nor Devan was there. We waited and waited and went outside in the lobby. Then I spotted a true hottie, it was Kelly and she was coming in late, she waved me over, and we hugged and kissed and said our see-ya's. Then I went to the press room to find Adella who dropped the bomb on me. All the Digital Playground girls had food poisoning and were out of there rooms, trying, to no avail get, newly re-booked, flights and wouldn't be making it. I felt really bad for them as I felt for their fans who would certainly be disappointed. But most of all I felt bad for Adella, who had to deal with all of it. The girls, their arrangements, the fans and the press. Shit, both her and Carly who I couldn't find to say goodbye to, were having a horrible go of it.

I grabbed a couple gift bags that Adella offered us, complete with toys, lube, DVD's and more goodies and then we sat and chilled. I spotted Heidi Fleiss and we talked for a minute and Karlton grabbed a photo of us. Then he asked me who she was. I about pissed myself. I replied, Bro, that's Heidi Fleiss. And he asked who Heidi Fleiss was and I tried to refresh his memory, and he said he didn't know or hear of her because he was married in the 90's. I guess that meant no TV in the 90's. Hell I hardly watched TV in the late 80's and 90's but I watched the news and read the papers. But that's me and my spongelike mind. I need, I feel the desire and the sheer addiction to absorb knowledge. Otherwise I wish I could also put the 90's out of my mind. For fucks sake, there's a lot about the last 5 years I'd like to put out of my mind, especially the last calendar year, save hanging out with TV and film stars and rock bands and porn stars. Ms Fleiss was also very cool, and I was most surprised. I guess we can smell our own.

That was about it, we were BEAT, went back up, said goodbye to the Starr Crew, Deauxma and some of the girls and caught a cab back to the casino. We sat in the lounge, ate, and Talia joined me as Karlton gave the staff a bit more attitude, and we fucked with the waitress. Karlton left for the airport the lucky bastard, and Talia sat with me drinking Heinekens and eating shrimp cocktail till 6 PM when she drove me to the airport where I waited 7 hours for my 1 AM flight. I suppose I could have hung out at the show, and maybe I should have gone back as opposed to sitting all night at the airport but I was brain dead and couldn't take anymore porn for the time being.

But the time I spent with Talia was really nice, she told me a lot about her life story and some of it's trials and tribulations. And I thought, wow, I thought I had a story, and I do. But it's too much to lay on her. cause if we shared both our stories we'd had purchased razor blades and slit each others wrists. All in all she's much more than a pretty face and I'm really glad I got to know her.

MONDAY:

At the airport I tried to no avail, sleep on the floor, to try to rest and keep from pacing the airport. I couldn't. At 1230 AM on Jan 10, I boarded my flight which would take me to Minneapolis. And there I'd have to catch a connecting flight to Chicago. On the flights I did not sleep. At the airport I watched the news. In LA where Angie was there were mudslides and rain. In Southeast Asia there was the aftermath of the earthquake and tidal wave. And back home in Chicago, where I landed at approximately 830 AM in was cold and snow covered. Suddenly spending a few more quality hours with the warm tan and fun-loving lades of porn at the end of Sunday, seemed like it would have been a good idea.

For me it had been over 27 hours with no sleep, and even in Vegas there was very little sleep. I dragged four overfilled and heavy (MOTHERFUCKING) bags though the airport, to the subway, out of the tunnel and about 4 blocks that may have well been 20 with the snow and cold. At 930 AM I was greeted by cats and a warm bed and cable TV. It must be Chicago. I must be home.