April 20, 2004
Subject: Five Years Since The Columbine Massacre
An examination by Alex Zander
Five years ago, on April 20, 1999, Columbine students Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold killed 12 students in their sleepy Colorado town high school, before committing suicide. The events that followed had an unfortunate and enormous domino effect on the entertainment business, including myself, in it's path.
At 7:20 AM this morning NBC’s Today Show did an extended special about the Columbine tragedy. One reporter reviewed the facts of that fateful day, then capped his segment commenting, "It's been 5 years, and we still don't know why this happened." This is yet another example of irresponsible media reporting, tabloid TV, yellow journalism, hype and above all… denial.
April 20th was also the same day as the final KMFDM album was released on Wax Trax Records, and it was Hitler's birthday. People were at first quick to somehow blame the music of KMFDM, and Rammstein for the boys’ outburst, before finally settling on Marilyn Manson as a scapegoat. Suddenly the two boys were considered Goth, and what little mainstream America thought they knew about Goth music and style was about to change drastically.
I have addressed this issue time and time again in the five years since this tragic occurrence. Newspapers and radio stations from all over the country contacted me for quotes. One interview actually happened from the office and in the company of my then employer HBO and manager Bob Hoeksema. I was interviewed live on the air by a station in New England about Goth music, the style what they through it was and what my version of it was. I was also asked to discuss what Rammstein and KMFDM represent and what their music was about. I found this very difficult because these two German bands have very little to do with what the two boys, other than being listeners of their music. And being that they represented nothing more than an art form and original music, they never made a “statement” other than there is something better than what is dished out and over-produced for mainstream masses consumption. For whatever reasons (probably because Manson was a more well-known name, had more controversial exposure in the American press and thus was an easier target than Rammstein or KMFDM), the witch-hunt quickly turned to Marilyn Manson whose popularity was on the brink of fading away. This is not to say Manson had slipped completely below the radar, but his hype and sales slipped from where they were during the heyday of the Anti-Christ Superstar era.
I also addressed this topic in the pages of MK ULTRA as well as on my weekly syndicated radio program MK ULTRASOUND when I had Martin Atkins on as a guest. And the subject of whatever musical influence “must have” had over these guys seems to rear it's ugly head from time to time whenever the media reports on it.
It's grown redundant to me, but it is equally important to me, striking a very personal chord. First and foremost, please note that neither Harris nor Klebold were “Goth kids”. PLEASE give me a break and get over it. They are about as Goth as I am and I'm not—not by any stretch of the word! They wore black trench coats. Big deal. So do the characters of “The Matrix”. These were suburban spoiled rich kids whose parents didn't pay attention to what they were up to. And I don't feel like I'm being too harsh here because, after all, they were building explosive devices and hoarding weapons right under their parents noses! I could have never gotten away with that, even though my old man rarely came home except when it was time to lay down the law (as he saw fit) and dish out heaping serving of punishment.
However, I'm not going to rest the blame squarely on the shoulders of their parents here, because this runs much deeper than poor parenting.
Maybe Harris and Klebold were geeks or nerds or dorks. Who knows… The kids that picked on the two and bullied them probably know. They did have girlfriends, and it looks like they had a good time at the prom when they had a rented limo to take them to and from the spring annual dance. And being neither of them sported an “alternative” haircut—such as dying it jet black, using Manic Panic colors, or sculpting a large Mohawk—it seems that they were both far from what any knowledgeable person would consider Goth. But someone used this word and the media ran with it. And KMFDM and Rammstein are not Goth, though they are popular in some circles of the Goth community (as well as other “marginal lifestyle communities). Nine Inch Nails are more accepted by the Goth community than the latter, and even more popular in the mainstream. I'm sure for every Goth kid who listens to NIN, there are two mainstream kids who buy the CDs at Tower Records as well.
So lets rule out music and Goth. In order to be responsible and reasonable, not to mention LOGICAL, we have to.
Now let’s examine a few of the facts that have been reported over the years. The diabolical duo were originally dubbed ''Trench Coat Mafia" by the bullies who poked fun at them on a regular basis. If you went to a public high school, you know that there were always a group of kids that were picked on. And shame on you if you felt bad for them and did nothing about it. So, at some point they adopted the label "Trench Coat Mafia" and ran with it. Just like the homosexual community have accepted the Queer tag after all these decades and the country folk wear Redneck proudly. These kids were isolated from the majority of the school community and formed their own small clique as a statement against those who pushed them around (verbally, physically, and mentally).
By relating to what these boys went through I can give my honest take on the events that followed because I was one of the kids that got beat up at least once a week throughout my school career. I had my books kicked down the hall, my clothes dunked in the toilet while I was in gym class, my locker jammed, my locker robbed and all of my notes, and my homework stolen—all on a regular basis. I got called fag everyday even though my girlfriends (and I had a few of them) were much "hotter" than any of those good ol’ boys would ever even dream of as they rubbed snuff. High School was the hardest time of my life. I dreaded everyday I had to go. And if it wasn't for my dreams and my love of playing music, I would not have made it out of there. Every time I got in a fight I was given an in-school suspension. And I never once started an incident, however the principal informed me the only way to avoid it would be to ball up in the corner until a teacher stopped it. I would not do that, even though at 5’10 and 120 lbs I was hardly a match for the football player who usually pounded my head against the locker. So I took the suspension. By my senior year I took to walking to school in order to avoid getting jumped in the parking lot when I got off of the bus. And as for the teachers, at least in my school, they enjoyed watching a few minutes of a good fight before feeling obligated to break it up. Where I went to school two of the teachers, who were also sports coaches, got into a knock-down drag-out fight in the hall during school time. When I was a freshman, one of the teacher/coaches dated (A nicer word for screwed) and married the prom-queen right after she graduated. My junior year, they were already divorced and he married the prom-queen from that school year after she graduated. These are not exactly the kind of men who are going to stop the town’s only cop’s oldest son from getting his head bashed in daily. Because who busted these kids every time they were drinking or drag racing? My old man. Who busted the teachers for having parties with underage students? My old man. And it didn't help I was into punk rock music and proudly sported the accompanying fashions. No, in fact as far as everyone else was concerned, I was asking for it.
Perhaps the students who picked on Harris and Klebold are responsible for triggering what happened. And let’s not overlook the teachers responsibly for allowing the more “popular” kids to make each day hell for those they prey upon. To even imagine that the teachers didn't know about this kind of constant ridicule and abuse would be a horrible injustice. That's the bottom line. The popular kids and the athletes are commonly allowed to skate through classes and enjoy all of the privileges their school and society have to offer, while the same experiences are typically not served up to those who march to the beat of a different drummer. That is just a plain and simple fact, and whether you agree with me or not reveals which side of this division you experienced.
A few of the more popular excuses are, "well the kid didn't have to be such a freak." Or "you can help how you dress and wear your hair. Hell, they were pretty much asking for it." I'm sorry but that's bullshit. If they didn't break a dress-code, there should be no problem with their appearances. After all, it was 1999. There's little excuse for such social prejudice when there are more impactful issues, leading to such safeguards as minorities and homosexuals having laws that are supposed to protect their rights. In America, we’re guaranteed Freedom Of Speech/Expression/Choice by The U. S. Constitution, the founding doctrine of this Republic’s livelihood. Talk about a social injustice! It seems that in this day and age, the Bill Of Rights is pretty much insignificant to the common citizen. That alone is a damn shame.
Furthermore, abusing someone due to his or her appearance whether it is hair, attire, or musical taste should also be considered a hate crime, but in our society IT IS NOT! And this as far as I’m concerned is something that needs to be addressed. A punk rocker, a Goth kid, a metal head or a modern day hippie should be protected by the same laws that protect someone who opts for any other type of alternative lifestyle, and are protected by laws against “hate crimes” (which are simply criminal activities targeting marginal/minority persons based on ignorant prejudices). But the powers that be in their ultimate wisdom have chose to ignore the prejudice faced by those who chose a different identity to represent who they feel they are inside.
So, we can assume that the outrage and despair that the kids who took the lives of 12 students and of their own was one of desperation. Again, I will put my own youth and experience in perceptive in order to attempt to answer the query: "And we still don't know why it happened?"
A kid in that/my position might very well feel one of two extreme ways. For me, it was thoughts of suicide or revenge. Taking my own life or inflicting pain on someone else seems the easiest way out of the daily trauma and pain. But when you're backed into a corner daily, you tend to feel desperate. “What have you got to lose?” goes though your head an awful lot, especially when you're forced into that position. Of course, “the system” teaches us that suicide and revenge are the cowardly ways out. But taking a loaded gun to school and confronting who you believe at that time is your enemy is far from what I would call cowardly. (Ironically it isn't called cowardly when you tote a gun into a war you’re forced into, in order to kill someone you don't personally know and hasn’t inflicted personal trauma on you.) I also felt the urge for revenge. To say the thoughts never crossed my mind would be a lie. Though I didn’t dwell on the horrible thoughts they way the Columbine kids did, instead I absorbed my self into rock music and creating music with a band. The exact same art form that the professionals probing the Columbine issue blame for the tragedy. In my day KISS was Marilyn Manson, and now KISS are nostalgia.
Nevertheless it bottles up in you and when you feel totally alone, and you have parents who don't care and aren’t involved in your life, teachers who don't care, a system that turns it back on anyone perceived as a rebel (which in all honesty, these guys were), and your “fellow classmates” bully you to the point that you dread the thought of walking down the hall and facing any more ridicule and abuse, sometimes you want to strike out. And unfortunately, for all involved, Eric and Dylan took action in a way they were never conditioned to understand was as inhumane as the suffering they faced each day. And a lot of people paid for it.
What I am saying absolutely does not justify or excuse what they did! It was a terrible act of violence. But it was also a reaction to the violence and neglect they felt in their lives. For myself my “revenge” was “getting the fuck out of Dodge”. I got silent revenge every time I passed through that small dirty town, only to see one of my old bullies pump my gas as I sat in the car with a buxom beauty they'd never get to experience. I felt a tingle of sweet revenge when I stopped by my 10-year class reunion with that month’s featured Playboy model on my arm. No guns were ever drawn, nobody got hurt. Well, maybe a few fat balding guys with the girls they dated in high school as their miserable wives got their egos bruised a little. I tell you what, they didn't call me faggot that time, at least to my face. And maybe it's a cheesy way of dealing with it but it was my way and it's better than being dead or being in prison for life or for being notorious forever in history as a skinny little freak kid who massacred a dozen of my classmates, no matter how much I could associate with how the “Trench Coat Mafia” boys felt.
So, when approached with a statement "It's been 5 years, and we still don't know why this happened." We all need consider the variables of this examination.
Why did I feel the need to address it one more time? Because I feel a responsibility to address it one more time for all of those who are so absorbed with the CNN version, or Hard Copy, or Fox News or for Bill O'Reilly to dissect and assume what is responsible for what Harris and Klebold did. The mass media is completely missing the point, and it’s not as scandalous and glamour as blaming Marilyn Manson, when they should blame the system and the parents and their own kids for being bullies and intimidating the people they feel are different”. The bottom line is the truth wouldn’t generate the same ratings as Manson’s band canceling a tour and being banded from OzzFest shows in Colorado.
But the truth is the truth whether you chose to accept it or deny it. It's not Marilyn Manson's fault, nor Goth, nor KMFM or Rammstein or anyone at Wax Trax Records. But it sure is easy to point the finger at someone else to take the blame when it's nothing more than the unwritten rule of popular society, to pick on what they think is weak and to feel power over this who are unable to protect themselves, because after all, there is power in numbers. And on this day five years ago two kids in Littleton Colorado turned the tables and became the ultimate bully.
Special thanks to Brigette Sullivan for contributing editing skills
April 06, 2004
10 Years and 1 Day Since Cobain Suicide
Tuesday April 6, 2004
Kurt Cobain and his band, Nirvana, spent only three years in the public eye, and they released only three studio albums. But what he accomplished before committing suicide 10 years ago Monday at age 27 — deciding it was "better to burn out than fade away," as he quoted Neil Young in his suicide note — was remarkable.
Beneath a bridge above the muddy banks of the Wishkah River, a troubled young Cobain would come to escape his unhappy home and the persistent gray drizzle of the Washington coast.
Among the cracking concrete supports, he would smoke pot and drink and plot his stardom, bragging to friends of his "suicide genes" and that he would die a young rock star.
It's here that many of his fans pay their respects since he fulfilled that prophesy with a needle and a shotgun.
"Peace, love, empathy," reads one message scrawled in graffiti under the bridge.
Critics describe 1991's "Nevermind," which has sold more than 10 million copies, as one of the decade's most important albums. Its biggest hit, "Smells Like Teen Spirit," remains a seminal expression of teen angst. Cobain brought the dark, driven sound of grunge rock to the nation, helped save the world from hair metal, and with a single line — "Here we are now, entertain us" — captured and captivated a generation that had grown bored and cynical about popular music.
I own the Nevermind album but as far as it being credited as one of the greatest albums of all time up there with Sgt. Pepper or The White Album, I don't get it, I never did, not then and not now.
The video and the single Smells Like Teen Spirit for me represents everything that is bad about MTV and radio and the mass media in general. I was sick of that song, and I always believed that there were 3 or 4 other songs on that album that were better. A song where I never understood the words was the voice of a new generation at the time. That is pathetic. Nirvana were to me just a mediocre band, at best, that made it. All it really represented to me was the backlash to hair bands like Motley Crue and Poison who dominated MTV up until then. It was just another trend, and not a glamorous one at that. And the really bad hair bands were overplayed and over rated as well. Overkill is what I prefer to call it.
There was never anything tongue in cheek about Cobains lyrics. They weren't a fun band to listen to, as they were live. One of the greatest moments in music history is at the MTV Video Awards after Kurt and Courtney traded verbal words with Axl Rose. And apparently Axl made a fuss, since he never had a sense of humor. During the Nirvana performance, either David or Chris was yelling "Hi Axl" over and over, and Chris tossed his bass up and it came down on his head.
Kurt Cobain wasn't the first rock star to battle addiction, but he was the fastest to disappear . Three years is hardly enough time to validate one as a legend. Who knows if Nirvana would have fallen off the charts or would become the victim of another passing trend and be has beens in the wake of urban music's domination of the media. It is very likely they could have become the same thing that they had helped turn watered down hair band cock rock metal into. It's not that illogical, infact it is probable but we'll never know.
It's too bad Kurt Cobain couldn't have become a better example to the kids who worshipped and idolized home, but like Sid Vicious, he has his Nancy in Courtney. And if you've ever read the book by Nancy's mother, Deborah Spungen "And I Don't Want To Live This Life Anymore", you'd see the simulates are horrifying right down to a young Miss Love appearing in the film. it's sad because if Kurt could have shed his demons including drug abuse and his wife he could have said to Gen X "Hey, I made it and so can you."
None of Nirvanas music celebrated life. It hailed angst as a party. It held negativity in high regard. And if rock n roll is a downer than I'm in the wrong business. There's enough of social unrest in real life, escaping into it as an artform is not fun. But that's just me and my favorite band is Type O Negative a band who does it in such and extreme way you can laugh at yourself later. Does that make me a hypocrite? Well, a bunch of long haired tattooed hippies from Brooklyn who are as lily white as they come singing "Kill All the White People" for me is fun. A learch of a sinner who could crush you in his bare hands, and has women throwing themselves at him screaming I Know You're Fucking Someone Else" offers comic relief to those of us who were distraught of the same shit.
My point is, life is tough and sometimes it simply sucks, but it isn't so bad that you can't get through it. To make a legacy out of fifteen minutes of shame doesn't make sense. And like the Sex Pistols "Near Mind The Bollocks" album, yes it makes a statement, but as far as I'm concerned is hardly worthy of being credited in the top 5 of all time let alone the top 10 or 20 for that fact.
Maybe after one of Kurt's failed suicide attempts in Europe on a tour that became postponed his estranged wife shouldn't have taken his child away and left him alone. Things may have turned out differently. Instead she rode on his untucked shirt tails and for a short while was a rock star herself. And where is Hole now? It's likely Nirvana would be in the same place. But we will never really know this for sure. But according to history of popular music over the last decade the smart money is on the trios popularity maintaining cult status at best.
The Nevermind album still sits on my shelf but as far as playing it, I don't think the actual disc has come out of it's case is over 5 years, maybe more. And yesterday MTV programming centered around Nirvana and the channel that made the band what they are also managed to find another way to cash in on the Cobain tragedy. And that alone says it all for me.
Alex Zander